Illegal Alien
by Sira-san
Summary: Lupin decides to handle things a little differently on their newest exploit, little realizing that their target is the very definition of "unconventional."
1. The Boring Identity

Lupin III and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Monkey Punch, and the good people at TMS Entertainment, Ltd.  
  
Illegal Alien  
  
A Lupin III Fanfic  
  
Chapter 1: The Boring Identity  
  
An ordinary day in Atlanta, Georgia. There were crowded streets, congested traffic, and lots of normal everyday activity. In the midst of it all, a man, giggling like a deranged school girl and displaying fashion that went out of style sometime in the 1970's tore through the crowds and skipped in front of moving cars. People stared, pointed, laughed, and threatened death, but he couldn't help but enjoy all the attention. After all, Arsene Lupin III mused as the hotel he and his gang temporarily called home popped into view, wasn't that why he was the world's greatest thief in the first place?  
  
He had just finished scoping out the museum that would serve as the backdrop for yet another of his masterful plots, and it looked like it would almost be too easy. Almost, being the key word, because Lupin knew as soon as he so much as put on foot in the museum after closing, the ever persistent Inspector Zenigata would be there to add some challenge to the job.  
  
Not that his gang wasn't up to challenges. He had the best gunman and right hand man in the business. And a samurai bandit that lived up to the strict standards laid down by his ancestors. Between the three of them, they'd have no problems.  
  
Lupin grinned as he pictured Jigen and Goemon in the hotel room. Jigen was probably watching the news, keeping abreast of any developments that might hinder the heist while making sure his Magnum was in top working order. Goemon was probably meditating, focusing his energies for tonight's raid. Yup, a crack team, Lupin thought proudly. Always ready for action.  
  
Lupin crashed through the door to the hotel room. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed. He struck a few manly poses, and then burst, "You guys ready to pull of the job of a lifetime?" he said with an enthusiasm that would cause most cheerleaders to hang their heads in shame.  
  
And then he took a good look at his crack team. Goemon Ishikawa was stretched out on the couch, feet bare and staring absentmindedly at the TV. His faithful sword, Zantetsuken, lay carelessly against the end table nearby and he was nibbling on some pretzels. Daisuke Jigen was sitting on the floor, hat pulled down and slumped against the front of the couch. A half-empty bottle of scotch sat on the floor next to him, and his hand was curled around shot glass. He was snoring loud enough to drown out the volume on the TV.  
  
Lupin's positive attitude melted away. "What...the...hell?" he said in disbelief. He looked over at the screen. Jigen and Goemon were watching Jerry Springer. Dear God, what was going on here?  
  
Goemon had evidently had enough of Jigen's snoring, since he gave a half-hearted kick in the back of Jigen's head. Jigen jumped awake in surprise, splashing a few drops from the shot glass over himself and the floor. "What, what?" he said, turning to face the samurai with a hostile look on his face.  
  
"You were snoring. Again," Goemon said pointedly.  
  
"Oh," Jigen said, and resumed slumping against the couch.  
  
"Guys!" Lupin whined. He stomped over and stood in front of the TV. "What on earth is wrong with you two?"  
  
"Could you move?" Jigen sighed, pouring another shot.  
  
"You make a better door than a window," Goemon added.  
  
"We're supposed to be getting ready for tonight!" Lupin thundered. "Instead, I come back and you two are playing couch potato!"  
  
"Calm down, man," Jigen muttered. He took his shot, and then added, "We're just bored."  
  
"Bored?" Lupin's jaw opened in disbelief.  
  
"Yeah, we're bored with this whole...thing," Jigen elaborated lamely, absentmindedly waving his hand in the air to emphasize his non-existent point. "We come into town, we steal stuff, we lose stuff, we get chased out of town by Zenigata. It's the same old same old."  
  
"But what about the fabulous plans? The evading of alarms and traps? The creeping through lasers? The disguises? The betrayals? What about all that stuff?"  
  
"Been there, done that," Jigen and Goemon chorused.  
  
Lupin paused. "Well, what would you suggest?"  
  
"I don't know. Just something different." Jigen sighed. "And now, would you please move? They're about to show us the trans-gendered lesbian whores who are cheating on their pimps with midgets."  
  
Lupin reluctantly stepped aside. "What about you, Goemon?" he asked. "I thought you lived for this kind of thing?"  
  
"Only so much repetition can improve one's skills. After that, only new skills can improve on those learned before."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I'm just plain bored," Goemon sighed, slumping back on the couch and nibbling on a snack.  
  
"You must be bored," Lupin observed with mild alarm. "You're eating a Slim Jim."  
  
Goemon promptly spit out the noxious meat stick. "Must...transcend... noxious...jerky snack," he gasped, groping for a glass of water on the end table.  
  
Lupin sighed and sat down in a nearby easy chair. "Are you two really that desperate to do something different?"  
  
"What do you think we've been saying all this time, Lupin?" Jigen growled. "We want to do something different. Something really dangerous and risky."  
  
"I'm tired of cutting things in half," moaned Goemon. "I've gone from samurai to arc welder."  
  
"Fine, fine!" Lupin exploded, finally tired of the whole thing. "No grand jewel theft tonight! I'll come up with something worthy," he shouted, placing great sarcastic emphasis on the last word, "for two masters such as yourselves." With that, Lupin stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him with such force that several pictures, an ashtray, and Zantetsuken slid to the ground.  
  
"Whatever," Jigen said. "You get overexcited, Lupin."  
  
"He's already left," Goemon reported, pulling himself into his usual cross-legged sitting position.  
  
"Ah," Jigen said, pouring another drink. "Well, I'm sorry we're just tired of the same old hackneyed plots. How long have we been doing this? How many of these types of jobs have we pulled?"  
  
"I lost count long ago," the samurai replied, reaching for a non-Slim Jim snack.  
  
"We have made the unconventional conventional."  
  
Jigen rose his now full shot glass. "Amen, buddy. Now, let's see those lesbians..." he added, turning up the volume on the TV.  



	2. Operation: Trebuchet

More Lupin-y goodness! Yay! As before, Lupin and Co. do not belong to me. Despite what that guy at the yard sale said. Crook.  
  
Chapter 2: Operation: Trebuchet

"So, what's the deal for today?" Jigen said. He tipped his hat slightly to look over at his partner, at the wheel of the Mercedes.

"Well, you whiners wanted an adventure," Lupin said with a sly grin. "Ever hear of Project Elijay?"

"Can't say that I have."

Lupin cast a quick glance at his two partners. "That's right. Almost no one has. It's a top secret American military installation, located in the Appalachian Mountains of Georgia. It's also where the U.S. government stores some of their most dangerous, mysterious, and just plain freaky projects."

"What about Area 51? Roswell?" Goemon inquired.

"Area 51 and Roswell are Disneyland compared to Project Elijay," Lupin said, a brash smile crossing his features. "The government wants you to know about those places to take the focus off of places like the one we're headed to."

Jigen sat up, pulling his hat back from his eyes to stare at Lupin. "So you're saying we're heading to America's most top secret military base?"

"Not the most top secret. There are places even more secret than Project Elijay."

"And how come you know about them?"

"Because if I didn't, I would be a shame to my family name," chuckled Lupin.

"If I may be so bold, what are we going to do when we reach Elijay?" Goemon said.

"That, my fussy friends, is entirely up to you two. I can't plan the whole damn thing now, can I? Remove documents to hold hostage! Take some rare tropical diseases! Use an experimental weapon to shoot down moose in Canada! The skies the limit!"

Goemon grunted and closed his eyes, starting to gather focus for what might finally prove to be an interesting mission.

Jigen, however, was more troubled. "How are we going to get in? I don't think the Army is just going to let us in if we knock politely and offer them a fruit basket."

"More likely they'd shoot us on sight," Lupin said cheerfully. "I told you, this isn't my mission. You two bitched, and now you two are in charge."

One hour later, Lupin announced, "You two are on crack."

"You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first," Jigen chortled, making some minute adjustments on a small device. "The last thing they'll be expecting is archaic technology. Really archaic technology."

"As the old saying goes, 'Everything old is new again'," added Goemon.

Lupin promptly rolled his eyes and wondered if Goemon could possibly have any more clichés to spout forth. "Yeah, yeah, guys. But as another old saying goes, 'We can't have archaic and eat it, too'." Goemon promptly rolled his eyes and wondered if Lupin could possibly have more bad puns to spout forth.

Jigen ignored both of them and made the last adjustment to the machine. "There, that should do it," he said, setting down his screwdriver.

"Explain to me how this works again," Lupin said, leaning against his car.

"Okay. Well, as we all know, any government installation is going to have the latest in technology to ward off intruders such as ourselves," Jigen began. "Technology like automatic weapons, alarms, computer surveillance systems..."

"Go on," Lupin added.

"All of those things have one thing in common...you put a supermagnet near them and they go haywire. Computers don't function, bullets jam in guns, wiring won't function properly."

Lupin shook his head and smiled. "Including your weaponry, my friend. Your gun won't fire either, and Zantetsuken will be stuck to that thing in seconds."

"And that, Lupin, is where this thing comes in," Jigen said proudly, patting his hand on a fifteen-foot trebuchet. "Wood, stone, and rope. Nothing on this baby uses metal to function. We pull the string on this thing, break down the wall and this key power building," Jigen said, pointing to a small shed beyond the barbed wire, "and turn off the supermagnet. While those bastards are running around in a panic, we sneak in, have fun, and come back without a problem."

"They won't know what hit them," Goemon finished.

Lupin looked at the wall, at the base, at the supermagnet, the trebuchet, and finally his two partners, both with smug grins on their faces. "I think I'm going to move my car," he said, unable to hide the worry in his voice.

The two waited until Lupin's Mercedes was safely stowed out of range down the road and Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum were enclosed in a special case that would protect them from the supermagnet's effects. Goemon resolutely hung on to Zantetsuken, prepared to retrieve it after the operation started.

"Ready?" Jigen asked, finger posed over the power button.

"Ready," Lupin affirmed. Goemon nodded in ascent.

"Then here we go!" With that, Jigen flicked the switch.

A small whine came from the box.

Lupin frowned. "Is it on?"

Jigen stood up and scratched his head. "I guess it needs to warm up first. I wonder when..."

Suddenly, Zantetsuken flew from its sheath and stuck, blade first, to the side of the magnet.

"Guess that answers our questions," Jigen said. He stepped out of the way.

The lights in Project Elijay wavered and flickered before going out completely. Cries of dismay and panic sounded from inside the base.

Lupin, meanwhile, sat back and examined the plan. So far, so good, which meant something was bound to go wrong. He carefully inspected the plan in his mind...outlandish, even for him, but nothing that couldn't work. The magnet was in working order, the metal weapons were malfunctioning, the trebuchet would...

The trebuchet.

Lupin took a good look at the old projectile weapon. Yes, it was made mostly of wood and rope, but it was held together by nails. Metal nails.

"Crap!" Lupin cried. "Jigen! The trebuchet!" Already, he could see it trembling as its nails were being pulled to the magnet.

"Not yet. Patience, Lupin," Jigen said, carefully looking for an opening to fire.

"No, I mean it's got metal holding it together!" Lupin yelped. The trebuchet shook violently now, being pulled apart by the force of the magnet.

Goemon saw the problem as well. "Jigen, get away," he yelled. "It's going to collapse!"

It finally dawned on Jigen. "Aw, hell," he sighed and dashed away just as three things happened:

The trebuchet, being pulled by the nails, finally fell to pieces.

One of said pieces, the one holding the firing rope in place, snapped from the force of the receding nails.

The trebuchet launched, only instead of just launching it's payload, succeeded in launching the entire device through the walls of Project Elijay, where it collapsed in a pile of rubble.

Lupin and his gang stood astounded as the dust cleared. "Well, it worked," Goemon said.

"There goes our deposit," moaned Jigen.


	3. The Great Mistake

A copyright haiku:

Lupin is not mine,  
I think he is really cool  
Please do not sue me.

Thanks for the C&C, folks. Please enjoy the next chapter.

Chapter 3: The Great Mistake

After Jigen turned off the magnet, and Goemon had retrieved his katana, the three cautiously climbed over the rubble of the wall and dashed down to a base building. After consulting the map Lupin had obtained, the three decided to head right for the heart of the base, as that was where the most security and challenge was. Lupin had to be assured that the soldiers could not fire on him; Jigen explained it would take a while for the effects of the magnet to wear off of the mechanical parts of the guns.

"What about his sword?" Lupin said, pointing at Goemon.

"One part. Not much to break," Goemon said, placing Zantetsuken back into its sheath with a modest click.

Lupin sighed. "Fine, fine." Jigen removed his and Lupin's weapons from the case as the final preparation for the adventure ahead. With no further words, the three began their dash across the base, hiding in shadows and ducking into open doors. Security, however, was not a concern. The base personnel were far more concerned with their non-functioning security and lack of power.

In less than then minutes, the group had crossed Elijay and stood at the door of Building 5-42-Z, their intended target. The door had a complex electronic lock on it, but it was rendered useless by the lack of power. The three cautiously crossed the threshold and stepped into the cool, dark hall.

"Alright," Jigen grunted, lighting up a cigarette. "Here's the deal. Anything you can grab in twenty minutes. We meet back here and head for the car. Any more time than that, and we'll be lucky to get out of this place alive."

Lupin and Goemon both nodded. At the first crossing they came to, Lupin continued straight, Jigen went left, and Goemon right.

Goemon's track took him deep into the facility. It was hard to see, even with the oil lanterns Jigen had given them before they parted ways. Doors appeared less and less frequently the further he went down the passage. At last, he came to the very end of the hall, where a single iron door sat. Goemon turned to try one of the doors further down, but just then, something caught his eye. A sign next to the door...

Specimen Containment Area

Class-Z Clearance

Class-Z. The highest security. Goemon quickly pondered what lay behind the door. On one hand, Class-Z meant it was probably quite valuable to someone. On the other hand, the word "specimen" worried him. The last thing he wanted to do was set some killer virus loose on the world. However, there were no markings for hazardous materials.

Goemon drew a deep breath, and against his better judgment, turned the door handle. It popped open easily, thanks to the lack of power for the electronic locks. He stepped inside, pushing his lantern ahead of him so he could see in the dark corridor.

The hall in front of him was lined with doors. "Labs?" he wondered out loud. No, more like jail cells, he mused, continuing. He stopped at the first door, which had a small slat set at eye level. He peered through, holding the lantern up for light. Nothing.

Nothing with the second door, or the third either. Goemon figured that the place was a prison facility for traitors and spies, and was about to turn and leave when he heard a sound from two cells down. Curiosity got the better of him, and he quietly slid down the hall. He looked into the slat in this door, and caught a glimpse of a small figure on a cot against the opposite wall. It sat, back to the wall, head down, arms wrapped around its legs; it rocked gently back and forth, and emitted a low, pitiful keen.

Goemon frowned. It seemed to be in distress. He pondered the possible danger versus the duty to uphold bushido, and help someone who appeared to be in need. It couldn't hurt to look further, he reasoned. Carefully, he set his lantern down on the floor so it illuminated the door. With his thumb firmly on the handle of his katana, he carefully unlatched the door and pushed it open. Swiftly and silently, he took a step into the cell to get a better look at his quarry.

At the same time, the creature noticed the light; looking up, it caught sight of the samurai and let out a cry. The figure scurried back across the cot to huddle in the corner.

As the light caught the figure, Goemon permitted himself a small gasp. The figure looked almost human at first glance. What's more, it was definitely a female. But there the similarities ended. The alien...girl...had pale green skin with a scaly texture to it. Where she should have had ears, two appendages, almost like fish fins, covered the sides of her head. She had a mane of crimson...hair? No, more like some kind of fine feathers, that hung long and mane-like past her shoulders. And her eyes were a solid aquamarine blue; no pupil, iris, or anything similar in sight. Her petite frame was dressed in a loose cotton tunic, almost like a hospital gown. And she was definitely more scared of him than him of she.

Goemon lowered his sword, and extended his hand in what he hoped was a friendly gesture. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said gently. The girl whimpered, but also cast a curious look at him. "I'm a friend," he said, taking a step forward. The alien sat regarded him quietly. She blinked, and seemed to relax slightly.

"Do you understand me?" Goemon asked, taking a cautious step towards her. She did not respond, vocally or otherwise. He sighed. "I guess that's a no." He stood there, pondering his next move, as the alien girl cautiously moved towards the edge of the cot. Then, she pointed at herself.

"Eshe," she said softly but firmly. It came out as one breath.

"Eshe?" he repeated, confused.

"Eshe," she repeated, pointing again.

"Ah," he said. Eshe must be her name. He pointed at himself. "Goemon."

"Go-ey-mon," she said, rolling her tongue around the unfamiliar syllables.

"Close enough." He was used to foreigners' mangling the pronunciation of his name. He smiled at her in what he hoped was a reassuring way, although had Lupin been around, would have probably declared that the samurai looked even scarier than before.

The lights blared on, suddenly. Slightly afterward, and even less welcome, so did the alarm system.

"Damn!" Goemon said, whirling around in surprise. Eshe let out a cry and slid back against her bed again. "Guess the American military was more competent than Jigen thought," he wondered out loud. He had to get moving or else he would not escape. But, he couldn't just leave Eshe. She certainly didn't look very happy here.

Goemon grabbed the alien by the wrist and pulled her to her feet. "Come on," he yelled over the alarms. He dragged her out of her cell and towards the door at the end of the hall. Just as they reached it, it burst open, and two very confused looking soldiers stumbled through. Eshe let out a shriek of horror, but Goemon remained calm. Without thinking, he grabbed Zantetsuken firmly but loosely by the handle, whipped it out of its wooden sheath, and made two swift, broad slices. Just as quickly, he returned the blade to its resting place with its usual soft click. The guns of the soldiers fell to pieces. Two seconds later, the wounded soldiers followed suit.

Goemon reached back and grabbed Eshe by the arm again. "Let's get out of here!" he said, hoping he hadn't scared her. He lead her down the hall. Luckily, there were no other guards in the section, and the samurai made it back to the meeting place. Even more luckily, Lupin and Jigen were waiting there, guns drawn and watching for the enemy.

"Took you long enough," Lupin said almost casually, without looking at the samurai or noticing the small figure following behind. "Let's clear out." He headed down the hall, followed closely by Jigen, and with Goemon and Eshe bringing up the rear.

Getting out, needless to say, was a lot more difficult than getting in. Luckily, between Lupin's wiles and Jigen's excellent aim, the soldiers that appeared in front of them were vanquished as quickly as they'd appear, leaving Goemon free to keep an eye on Eshe.

Lupin suddenly drew up to a halt as they came to the main entrance of Building 5-42-Z.

"What's going on?" Jigen growled, peering into the darkness and looking for enemies.

"We're going to have to find a new way out," Lupin said, pulling his map of the base out and smoothing it against the wall.

"What about how we came in?" Jigen hissed, turning to Lupin.

"Don't you realize that if they turned all their gear back on, then they know exactly how we came in? Not to mention the ruins of a fifteen foot trebuchet that went through their wall." Lupin consulted his map again. "There's a low security building about two rows down from here. Looks like mostly offices. And..." Lupin's famous smirk suddenly appeared, "Military vehicles."

Jigen shook his head. "Too conspicuous."

"But faster," Goemon pointed out.

"We may be able to find something to smash through the main gate," Lupin said, folding up the map and stowing it in his pocket again. "Let's make a run for it." With that, Lupin and Jigen looked both ways and dashed out into the open. Goemon noted that they were still so into figuring out the next step, that they hadn't even noticed what he had found. He shrugged, glanced at Eshe, and said. "Come on." Taking her firmly by the hand, the two followed Jigen and Lupin down the access road.

The road was much trickier than the halls. There were more directions for enemies to come from. Fortunately, that also meant more hiding places for Lupin's gang, and so they could constantly duck to avoid parties of guards, spotlights, and stray fire. Jigen and Lupin continued their watch from the front, while Goemon kept one eye on the rear and the other on Eshe.

As he and Eshe caught up with Lupin and Jigen, Lupin was trying the door to Building 3-05-W, their intended target. "Locked." Lupin noted grimly.

"Probably some lockdown mechanism," Jigen noted. "Lets people out in an emergency, but not in."

Lupin looked at the mechanism. "It's completely electronic. I can't pick it, and I don't have the code for this building," he groaned, punching buttons at random.

One flash of light later, the door lay in three pieces on the ground.

Jigen shook his head at Goemon, and ducked through the entryway. "Try the doors!" Lupin yelled after him. "I don't know which one leads to the garage!"

Jigen opened the nearest door. "Admin office," he grumbled, shutting it.

Lupin and Goemon's searches proved as futile. "Looks like it's toward the other end," the thief noted, starting forward again. The gang made their way down the hall, pausing now and then to try a door. Almost all were offices and meeting rooms. About halfway through, Lupin threw open a door and found himself face to face with several startled personnel in military uniform. Most of them were nervously gathered around a table in the center of the room, drinking coffee or munching on snacks.

"Oops," said Lupin. They were probably the clerks who ran this building, he figured. Most of them looked fairly meek for a group of people who worked at one of the most secret military instillations in the world, but they each also had a firearm. Fortunately, they were too stunned to react for the moment. "Sorry, we were just looking for the restrooms!" With that, Lupin turned and ran, the rest close behind. He could hear cries and heated discussion from the room and figured he'd better put as much distance between him and the secretaries with guns before they got their act together and came after him. Three seconds later, bullets flew past them as the clerks got their acts together.

"You said the guns wouldn't work!" Lupin said frantically, wincing as a shot just missed his head.

"Slight miscalculation," Jigen yelped. Then, suddenly, "Lupin!"

"Wha?" Lupin asked, slight occupied with dodging bullets.

"There!" The gunman pointed to a door straight ahead clearly labeled, "Garage. Authorized personnel only."

"Ah!" Lupin exclaimed. He dove for the door, yanked on the handle, and pushed his way through, the rest in tow as the bullets came closer and closer to the door. Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon grabbed a large crate nearby, and maneuvered it in front of the door as quickly as they could.

"There," Jigen gasped, tipping his hat back slightly. "That should hold them..."

The door rattled violently, causing the crate to slide back slightly.

"...for about three seconds," he finished weakly.

Lupin was already perusing their selection of vehicles. "Crap. No tanks," he sighed. He spied a jeep, retrofitted with a battering ram and a machine gun in a passenger-side mount. "That'll do." He leapt into the driver's seat and reached for the ignition. Suddenly, he realized he had another problem.

"Key!" he yelled.

"Key?" Jigen repeated keeping a wary eye on the shaking door.

"Key," Goemon said calmly, finding a corkboard covered in keys next to the door. He pulled it off the wall and dashed over to the jeep. Eshe quietly followed behind.

Lupin caught his breath. "Thanks," he said, and began searching for the correct key. "W-8...W-8...ah, here we are!" he exclaimed, finding the key that matched the ID number on the car's hood. He carelessly tossed the rest of the board to the ground.

Meanwhile, Goemon was helping Eshe into back seat of the Jeep. "There you go," he said in what he hoped was an encouraging voice. He found her seat belt and snapped it around her just as Jigen joined them in the Jeep, positioning himself behind the gun mount.

Jigen took careful aim with his Magnum at the control box for the garage doors. One shot later, the box was left sparking and the door was slowly rising.

"What would I do without you?" Lupin beamed as he floored the accelerator on the Jeep.

"Not much," Jigen said, finally looking slightly more at ease. "Just get us out of here alive, and we'll let you do all the planning again."

"Fair enough," Lupin said as they soared out onto the access road. While Jigen fired the machine gun to discourage any soldiers from trying to bar the way, the master thief aimed the jeep at the entrance just ahead. Within seconds, they plowed through the gate, leaving a very confused military base and even bigger mess in their wake.


	4. Driven to Distraction

Lupin is neat and such, but he does not belong to me. At least in this dimension.

More story to come. Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Driven to Distraction

"Heh, poor confused fools," Lupin said, sailing along the gravel road that took them out of Project Elijay. Smirking, he looked in the rear-view mirror, wanting to catch a glimpse of the confusion he and his gang had just left behind. Instead he saw a flash of green skin and light blue, pupil-less eyes staring back at him.

"AAAA!" Lupin screamed. His startled reaction caused the jeep to sail off the road, and it was only thanks to Jigen's equally quick reaction in grabbing the wheel that they managed to avoid sailing over a cliff.

"What is that?" Lupin said, slamming on the brakes and whirling to face Goemon.

"What is...dear God!" Jigen exclaimed, finally catching a glimpse of Eshe. Eshe, for her part, looked a bit confused, but gave Lupin and Jigen a gentle smile. A sound along the lines of "X'onch," was her reply.

"This is Eshe," Goemon said calmly, sitting in his usual cross-armed position and looking like he was merely introducing them to his grandmother.

"Who? What?" Lupin stuttered.

"What is she...it...she?" Jigen finished lamely.

"I'm not sure. Perhaps an alien. She was in the most classified section of the base," Goemon informed them.

"Ghno'i?" she said, sounding confused. She glanced at Goemon. "Goemon?"

"She knows your name?" Lupin murmured. He suddenly sounded weak. "How?"

"I told it to her." Goemon was growing annoyed. "Look, you said find something interesting."

"Yeah, but I didn't think...I mean, you weren't supposed...ugh." Finally at his wits' end, Lupin planted his face in the steering wheel and wished he had taken that job at his uncle's florist shop like his mother told him to do.

Eshe looked concerned. "He's okay. Simply overreacting as usual," Goemon told her.

"Ghno'i mshan," she replied, holding out her hands and looking more puzzled.

Goemon simply pointed at the now silent gunman, eyeing Eshe suspiciously. "Jigen," he said. He then swung his arm over to Lupin, now lightly pounding his head on the steering wheel. "Lupin."

"Lu-pin. Ji-gen," she said carefully. She pointed at Goemon. "Goemon." And finally, to herself. "Eshe."

"She catches on fast," Jigen grunted. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out another cigarette. "Come on, Lupin. Let's get out of here. The military isn't going to be far behind."

"Yeah," Lupin muttered. The jeep rolled forward again. "God, I never imagined...aliens. Real aliens."

The group fell silent. Jigen continued to steal a glance at Eshe every now and then. Lupin kept his eyes on the road and looked neither left nor right, nor in the rearview mirrors. Goemon closed his eyes, musing over what had just happened and considering the consequences to come. Eshe, for her part, was the only one who remained at ease. She gazed at the wilderness zooming by almost rapturously, obviously happy to be out of her prison cell.

Before long, they reached Lupin's hidden Mercedes. As Jigen and Goemon pulled away the underbrush he had used to hide it from view, Lupin finally brought it in himself to take another good look at Eshe. Eshe had carefully climbed down from the jeep and was now examining the forest around her. She reached out carefully to touch the rough bark of a tree, stooped to examine a mushroom growing from an old stump, and jumped when a robin started twittering loudly above her.

She cast a look at Lupin. Lupin sighed and went over to the tree. "Tree," he said touching it. He pointed up, whistled like the robin, and said, "Bird."

"Tree." Eshe repeated. "Bird." She seemed to furrow her brow in thought and leaned against the tree, now listening to the chirping above her.

"Lupin," Jigen said quietly. Lupin turned as Jigen came over and stood next to him. Together, the two started at the alien, now apparently deep in thought.

"Maybe we can communicate with her," Lupin wondered quietly.

"We should leave her here," Jigen said, tossing his cigarette butt on the forest floor and grinding it out beneath his shoe. "Just get in the car and drive as fast as we can. Forget it ever happened and go back to our usual jobs."

"We cannot leave her," said a stern voice behind them. The two turned to face Goemon.

"She's the only evidence we got away with something," Jigen said. "If they find her missing, who knows what could happen?"

"They know she's missing," Lupin said, recalling the room full of clerks. "As focused as the two of us were, I'm sure at least one of them took notice of the petite green-skinned chick being dragged around by the guy in full samurai garb."

"They'll also figure out we did it," Goemon added. "I'm sure they had cameras activated after the power returned. Not to mention, fingerprints..."

"...and the remains of a certain trebuchet," Lupin groaned.

Jigen shook his head. "I used a fake name when I rented that thing."

"You rented..." Lupin started, then trailed off, shaking his head. "No, never mind that. Gotta stay focused on what's at hand."

The robin chirped again, and suddenly was answered by another. "Friggin' birds are giving me a headache," Jigen grumbled. He turned and stopped in amazement. The second call was issuing from Eshe, who was now looking at the bird that had flown to the forest floor, curious to see who was answering its call. She pointed, and said proudly, "Bird."

"She's an excellent mimic," Lupin noted.

"If she could figure out how to communicate with the bird in a matter of minutes, we should be able to teach her our language in a fairly short span of time," Goemon pointed out.

Jigen shook his head. "Are you two crazy? Sure, let's just teach her English and then release her into society. I'm sure no one will notice the green skin and the fish fins!" he exclaimed.

"Hey, I'm a master of disguise," Lupin said, a hint of his usual self finally returning. He looked at Jigen, but the gunman refused to return the look. "Oh, come on, Jigen. Goemon's right. We can't just leave her here. Whatever she is, she's an intelligent being. If we leave her here, they'll find her again and do God knows what to her."

"I get the impression from her surroundings they were treating her as an experiment," Goemon added.

"For all you know, she killed and ate sixteen soldiers before they contained her," Jigen erupted. He turned and stormed over to the car. "Fine, let's just take her. But if you two wake up with alien parasites bursting out of your chests, don't say I didn't warn you!" With that, Jigen jumped into the car, pulled his hat down over his face, and crossed his arms to sulk.

Lupin held out a hand to Eshe. "Come on, Eshe," he said. "We're going to take you somewhere safe."

She stood up straight and strode over to Lupin and Goemon. "Lupin," she said warmly, taking the thief's hand.

"Wow, I've got a way with women from other planets as well," he joked cheerfully. Goemon shook his head and turned to get into the back of the car. Well, you wanted excitement, he reminded himself. You just didn't count on this much.

In the Atlanta Museum of Artifacts, Inspector Kouichi Zenigata awoke with an abrupt jerk. "That's the fifth time you've nodded off," he grumbled to himself. "You've got to stay alert. Lupin will be here at any minute, and this time I'm ready," he added with a sinister chuckle, patting the device at his side. It appeared to be some kind of bazooka, but it was filled with a special polymer Zenigata had requested from Interpol. Once exposed to air, the polymer hardened into a substance that was so tough, not even bullets could cut through it. Plus, Zenigata figured it was strong and flexible enough to wrap around Zantetsuken rather than be sliced through. Lupin and his gang would be caught like rats in a trap.

Zenigata heard a sound at the door. "How brazen," he muttered. "That jackass thinks he can walk right through the front door. I'll show him." He readied his weapon, itching to finally bring Lupin and company to justice. The door flew open, and three figures stepped through it. Wordlessly, Zenigata pulled the trigger, sending a spray of polymer at the would-be robbers. Cries of surprise and dismay sounded as the last of the canister emptied, leaving the three encased in fast hardening polymer.

Gleefully, Zenigata dropped the weapon. "Whoo-hoo!" he shouted, jumping up and down in the air excitedly. "I finally caught you bastards! Years of work and training wasted...but I always knew these crazy devices were the way to go." The Inspector gleefully skipped over to the invaders, pulling out his ever present handcuffs as he went.

"So, Lupin, how does it feel to be captured by the old man at last?" he chortled, waving the cuffs in the polymer covered face of the lead figure.

"I'm...not...Lupin...you moron," the voice gasped out.

"What do you mean you're not Lupin?" Zenigata laughed. "That's your worst impression yet," he said as he pulled away at the glop on the figure, to reveal the face of the Head Curator of the museum. Zenigata's face fell into a mix of dismay, confusion, and mortification. "Sir, what are you doing here?"

"I came to open the museum for the morning crews, and instead I find myself in this...trap," he growled.

"I'm sorry, sir," Zenigata said. "I thought you were Lupin."

"He didn't come?" the curator asked, still struggling with the goop.

"No, he didn't," Zenigata replied. "Funny, he left one of his calling cards for last night, in the main hall. He never misses a challenge."

"Well, I can't say I'm sorry he didn't keep his appointment," the curator said. "Now, would you please let me and my employees loose?"

"Uh, sorry," Zenigata said, scratching his head. "I don't know how to get rid of this stuff."

The Curator's eyes narrowed. "What?" he yelped.

"Well, this stuff is experimental. And I didn't want Lupin to be able to get out right away," he pointed out.

"You get me out right now!" thundered the curator.

"Yeah, I'll, um, get someone right on it," Zenigata hastily said just before he turned and ran as fast as he could, the profane threats of the curator ringing in his ears.

Zenigata ran for a few blocks before he figured he was safe. He sat down on a bench and began pondering. Why didn't Lupin show up? Did he get the wrong night? Or had something happened to the thief and his gang? Zenigata thought with a mix of frustration and concern. He stood up and began searching for the nearest newsstand. Whatever had happened, Inspector Zenigata, as always, was on the case.


	5. The Education of Eshe

Lupin does not belong to me. But I will fight you to the death for him anyway. HUZZAH!

Chapter 5: The Education of Eshe

"There, that looks much better," Lupin said cheerfully. He'd found a sundress that once belonged to Fujiko in his stash of disguises, and had given it to Eshe to replace the formless, dirty gown she had been wearing. He'd had to make a couple of quick alterations, since it was way to big in the chest for the petite alien, but it made her look a million times better. Coupled with a ribbon to tame her wild mane and she actually looked cute. She gave him a broad smile and said, "Jl'onis," which Lupin took to mean thank you.

With the government presumably on their tail, Lupin figured the best idea would be to get out of Georgia as quickly as possible. Fortunately, one of his contacts had a place in the Florida panhandle. After a quick stopover in Atlanta to pick up their gear, the gang had floored it to their new hideout. It wasn't as far away as Lupin would have liked, but with the Atlantic Ocean fairly close by, Lupin felt safer knowing they had another escape route in close proximity.

Once they had arrived, Jigen promptly claimed a bedroom and locked himself in it, still annoyed with his partners for refusing to leave Eshe behind. Lupin and Goemon, meanwhile, had set about making the place more comfortable. It was a small cabin, but since it had electricity, indoor plumbing, and cable TV, it was more livable than most places Lupin had been in his criminal career.

Just before Goemon went out to procure supplies, he and Lupin sat down and debated the best way to get Eshe to adapt.

"I don't disagree that the television is probably the fastest source of information for her," Goemon said, watching as Lupin flipped through the channels, "but we have to be careful of what we let her see."

"Yeah," Lupin said. "If we let her watch something like _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ she'd go around believing in vampires and staking people at random." He paused, surveying the channels he caught glimpses of. "MTV. Hell no." He paused at CNN. "What about a news station? Nothing but fact."

"Nothing but manipulation," Goemon grunted. "Do you really want her first impression of this planet outside of that base to be murder, politics, and the stock market?"

"Good point," Lupin sighed.

"What about the History Channel?"

Lupin blanched. "Just what we need her to come across...Hitler."

After a few more minutes, the two found the perfect channel: Animal Planet. "And if she gets bored, I'll let her switch to the Weather Channel," Lupin added as Goemon picked up Zantetsuken to head out.

Goemon simply nodded. "I will return shortly." With a quick wave to Lupin and Eshe, he exited through the front door and left for town.

Eshe looked concerned. "Goemon?"

Lupin patted her gently on the shoulder. "It's okay," he said. "He's coming back." Lupin paused, and pointed at his mouth, and then his stomach, hoping Eshe's race had the same concept of eating. "Food," he said.

Eshe just nodded. With that, Lupin had given her the new clothes, set her down in front of the TV, and was now absentmindedly playing solitaire and keeping an eye on Eshe while waiting for Goemon to come back. He hoped they were doing the right thing. In the back of his head, Jigen's warning of the possibility of her being dangerous nagged at him. She hadn't demonstrated any real strength or anything yet, just remarkable intelligence. Even if she had been a threat to the government, well, look at how they'd treated her. Goemon had freed her, and the gang had shown her nothing but kindness; even Jigen on the ride down behaved somewhat civilly, at least.

A knock on the door made Lupin drop his cards, startled. He glanced at the old gas station clock on the wall. That was fast, he thought, opening the door and expecting to see Goemon. Instead, he was greeted with a fierce slap in the face and a screeching voice saying, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Hi, Fujiko," Lupin grunted, holding his cheek as Fujiko Mine strode past him angrily. "Have ever told you your beautiful when your psychotic?"

"Don't sweet talk me!" Fujiko whirled on him as he shut the door. "You've got every top secret military and government organization looking for you now, and because I'm associated with you guys, I'm going to be trapped in the dragnet, too."

"How did you find out?" Lupin asked, walking over to the couch and sitting next to Eshe. Eshe looked alarmed at Fujiko's presence, but Lupin merely pointed at the TV and said, "Watch." Eshe snuck another look at Fujiko before turning her attention back to the television.

Fujiko, who had sat down in a nearby armchair, pursed her lips. "I was working at that base, Lupin." She sighed and slumped back. "An organization was paying me big bucks to infiltrate that place and find out its secrets. I suppose my disguise was good enough you didn't notice me in that break room, huh?"

"You were there?" Lupin said.

"You'd better believe I was. Seeing you made me worried. Seeing Goemon and that...thing," she said, pointing at Eshe, "made me realize the jig was up. I figured I'd better get my ass out of there, because if they figured out who I really was and what I was there for, I would be dead meat. Not to mention the fact my target was being kidnapped before my very eyes."

"Sorry I blew your case, Fuji-cakes," Lupin said. "I guess it was good money."

Fujiko crossed her arms and stared at him with a look that would kill. "Okay, really good money," Lupin amended. "But Fujiko...we had to take her out of there. She was locked away and not happy at all. We think she was a guinea pig for whatever twisted experiments they could come up with."

Fujiko sighed again. "Your soft heart always gets you into trouble."

"Damn right," Lupin said with a grin. "It's also what keeps you around. You know Jigen and Goemon would have tossed you out on your ear years ago if it weren't for my soft heart for you."

"Was that a screeching demon from hell?" Jigen grunted, opening the door. A cloud of cigarette smoke wafted out from behind him. "Ah, no. It's worse...it's Fujiko." Fujiko frowned and remained silent, deciding to let Lupin handle Jigen's mood.

"For God's sakes, will you open a window in there?" Lupin complained, fanning away the heavy smell of burnt tobacco. "Just because I smoke doesn't mean I want to smell it all the time."

"I'll smoke where I want," Jigen grunted, but he did put out what was left of his current cigarette. Lupin walked over to the window and opened it to keep Eshe, Fujiko, and himself from choking on the clouds of gray.

"Please explain to me, Jigen," Fujiko said seriously. "how you could let Lupin plan such a boneheaded and amateurish raid."

Jigen frowned, and Lupin cracked up. "Excuse me, Ms. Perfect," Jigen growled.

"You let _him_ plan it?" Fujiko was aghast as she stared at Lupin.

Lupin giggled. "Him and Goemon. I thought it would be good experience, not to mention that maybe they'd appreciate all the hard work I do around here."

"Since when is hitting on Fujiko and drinking until your eyes float in their sockets hard work?" Jigen shot back.

"Excuse me? That's calling the kettle black..."

Fujiko finally took a good look at Eshe, deciding a change of subject was in order. "So, what have you figured out about her?"

"Not much. Other than she's a real fast learner. We're hoping she might pick up some of our language by watching TV."

Jigen glanced at the TV. "What are you watching?" he said to no one in particular.

"Animal Planet," said Eshe.

If Jigen had still had his cigarette, he would have accidentally inhaled it. As was, he let out a cough, and then stuttered, "What did you say?"

"This channel," Eshe said slowly, "Animal Planet."

Fujiko whistled, "You aren't kidding. She is fast."

The alien turned to face the gang. "Talk. I will learn," she said eagerly.

The group fell silent. "I don't think you want to learn what we were talking about," Lupin said quietly.

"She'll have to sooner or later if she's around us," Jigen said pointedly. "And anyway, where the hell's Goemon?"

As if on cue, Goemon, arms full of grocery bags and a samurai sword, kicked open the door.

"Good timing," Lupin said. "Jigen needs his bottle."

Goemon set the sacks down on the kitchen table and rifled through them. "This should quiet him down," he said, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and handing it to Jigen.

Jigen took the bottle and a glass from the cabinets, turned and went back to his room.

"Hey, it worked," Fujiko smirked.

Goemon looked up from unpacking the groceries. "Good afternoon, Fujiko. I thought that was your motorcycle parked outside. When did you get here?"

"Not too long ago," she answered briskly.

"She saw us on base." With that, Lupin quickly filled Goemon in Fujiko's story.

"Hi, Goemon!" called Eshe cheerfully.

"Hello, Eshe," Goemon said, raising an eyebrow. "A quick study, just as we suspected."

"Learn fast," she said proudly.

"If she learned that in just an hour, imagine what could happen over the next few days," Lupin added.

Fujiko frowned. "Are you really planning on keeping her around that long? What are you going to do with her?"

Lupin sighed. "To be honest, I was wondering myself. I haven't a clue."

"If at all possible, we should try to send her back home," Goemon said calmly.

"Home," echoed Eshe.

"Oh, okay. Well, we'll just hop on down to NASA, rent a shuttle, and drive her over to her planet. Shouldn't take more than twenty years with stops for gas." Lupin said with mock enthusiasm. Eshe looked at him confused. "No, no, I meant..." Lupin trailed off, a bit abashed and wondering if sarcasm translated to her language. "We'll help you somehow."

Eshe looked at Lupin seriously. "Danger," she said quietly.

"Nothing new to us," he said, hoping she understood.

She nodded, and suddenly smiled again. "Okay. I sleep," she said, getting up from the sofa. She pointed to the empty room next to where Jigen lurked.

"That's fine," Lupin said. As she went in and closed the door, he looked at Fujiko and Goemon. "I hope you two have some ideas, because for once I am out."

Fujiko tilted her head. "Well, I don't have any grand schemes, but might be able to help you in some other ways," she said with a wry smile.


	6. Secret Agent Gang

Jigen, Goemon, Fujiko, and Zenigata do not belong to me. Got tired of typing about Lupin.

Chapter 6: Secret Agent Gang

"You know," Fujiko said as she made a few last adjustments, "I don't know what you would have done without me." She stepped back to survey her work.

"Hey, I know a few things about women's clothing," Lupin protested.

"You know a few things about removing women's clothing," Fujiko corrected. "Seriously, what could you guys have done? Jigen has no clue and Goemon would probably freak out for some reason."

"I would not," Goemon said in annoyance.

"Well, I did the mask and wig. So there," Lupin said, sticking out his tongue at Fujiko. He looked over at Eshe, and gave her a smile which she returned. "Alright, take a look in the mirror here," he said, pointing at the long mirror on the wall of Eshe's room. Eshe carefully peered into it and let out a gasp.

While Eshe napped, Fujiko had searched through Lupin's costumes and her own clothes to come up with an outfit that covered Eshe head to toe. She added a long-sleeved shirt under the dress Lupin had given her, along with an oversized cardigan. She had also uncovered a pair of opaque blue tights and some old loafers that went well enough with the outfit. Eshe wasn't a fashion plate, but she would blend in. Lupin, meanwhile, had set about making Eshe a new face using his extraordinary mask-making skills. He also lent her a wig, close in color to her red mane, that was long enough to cover the flaps on the sides of her head comfortably when it was pulled into a loose ponytail. Completed with some natural-looking makeup from Fujiko, and some specially made contacts from Lupin, and Eshe appeared perfectly human at first glance.

"Most impressive," Goemon said, watching in his usual cross-legged position from the bed.

"Not bad at all," Lupin confirmed. "I just wish we could figure out how to disguise her hands." As they completed their work, Lupin and Fujiko realized what their biggest challenge would be. Eshe had five fingers on each hand, but each hand ended in a sharp talon rather than a human type fingernail. In addition, she had thick webbing in-between each finger that would make wearing gloves impossible.

"We'll tell people it's a birth defect she's sensitive about," Fujiko said, carefully covering Eshe's hands in a pale skin-toned makeup.

"Or she can just keep her hands in her pockets all the time," Lupin suggested. He looked at Eshe. "Be careful with your hands," he said. "Don't let them be seen."

Eshe nodded. "Okay. I am careful." She pulled her hands inside the sleeves of her slightly-too-large cardigan.

"Brilliant," Lupin said, causing another big smile from Eshe. "Plus, it makes her look even more adorable than before."

"At least this way we can move around without more notice...than usual," Goemon added.

The four of them exited the bedroom. Goemon settled himself in the battered armchair, and Fujiko and Eshe sat down on the couch. Lupin, however, went over to Jigen's door. "Hey, Jigen. Someone here to see you."

"Go away."

Lupin mock-pouted. "Aw, Jigen. It's time to come out and play."

"I said go away."

"Don't make me break down the door."

"You couldn't do it if you wanted to."

"Fine, then I'll make Goemon do it."

There was a pause, a muttering of curse words, and footsteps. The door flew open, the smell of cigarettes and booze filling the room. "What?"

Lupin made a grand gesture with his arms at Eshe. "What do you think?"

"Think about..." Jigen trailed off as he caught a glimpse of the transformed alien. "Wow, not bad. Fujiko helped, huh?"

Lupin sighed. "Do you people really have that little faith in me?"

"Sometimes," Goemon answered.

"Mostly," Fujiko said with a grin.

"Always," Jigen shot back.

"That was a rhetorical question," Lupin finished weakly. A sudden knock at the door silenced the group.

Lupin cast a wary glance at the door, and then turned to the rest of the group. "Fujiko?"

Fujiko shrugged. "No one knows I'm here."

"Goemon?"

"I was not followed," the samurai said. "I made sure of it."

"Crap," Lupin said. He took off his red jacket and pulled a brown curly wig and glasses out of the pockets before stashing the coat in a nearby cabinet. He turned back to the rest of the group. Goemon had already made his way into one of the bedrooms, as not to make whoever was there ask questions if he was seen. Jigen had settled into the armchair in his place and pulled his hat low over his eyes, while Eshe and Fujiko nervously sat on the couch.

Lupin threw on the glasses and adjusted the wig, and then opened the door to the cabin. Three no-nonsense looking people stood on the porch, one woman and two men, all in attire that meant business.

"Can I help you?" Lupin asked.

The man in front held out an ID card. "Richard Roth, U.S. Government. We're on the lookout for a fugitive."

"Fugitive?" Lupin said, doing his best to sound alarmed. "Is he dangerous?"

"Extremely," the second, darker-skinned man intoned. He was the tallest of the three by far, and looked like he could take a direct blow from a wrecking ball and still remain standing. He also held out his card for Lupin to examine. "I'm Jonathan Peters, also with the U.S. Government. May we come in and take a look around?"

"Of course," Lupin said, trying to sound gracious. He held open the door and the three intruders entered. Fujiko noticed that Eshe began to fidget nervously when they entered the room, apparently hoping they wouldn't notice anything strange about her.

"Your name, sir?" said Agent Roth, pulling out a Palm Pilot.

"Er," Lupin said, thinking fast. "Arnie. Arnie York. This is my brother, Danny," he said, pointing to Jigen, "my sister Franny, and my niece, Annie," he finished, gesturing to the ladies on the couch. Jigen let out a puff of smoke, Fujiko gave her most winning smile and a small wave, and Eshe stared down into her lap, her hands withdrawn into her cardigan sleeves as far as they would go.

"Mr. York," said Agent Peters. "We're looking for the famed criminal Lupin III. Perhaps you've heard of him?"  
"Of course we have," Jigen burst, followed by a long draw on his cigarette. "Damn bastard's all over the news."

"We have reason to believe he's in the area." Agent Peters continued, as if he hadn't been interrupted. "We wanted to know if anyone had seen any suspicious characters around town or perhaps in the woods through here."

"Are you looking for the rest of his gang?" piped up Fujiko, sounding a trifle nervous. Lupin knew she was truly concerned about getting mixed up in the whole mess, even though she hadn't been directly involved.

"Yes ma'am," Agent Roth said, still inputting information into his handheld. "Every one of them."

"What did they do?" Lupin asked seriously.

"They stole a weapon from the U.S. Army." The group turned to face the third member of the visitors, who up until this moment had remained quiet. She was an average-looking woman with short brown hair. "My name is Amy Hanes. I'm with the U.S. Army, Intelligence Division. Lupin and his gang made off with a very powerful device that could endanger millions. We want him captured as soon as possible before he can use it."

"What kind of weapon?" Jigen said, annoyed. The connection of Eshe and a "weapon" had disturbed him, but he hoped that the woman was simply covering for secrets they did not want the public to know.

Sure enough, her answer was, "I'm sorry, sir. That's classified. We simply need to track down Lupin's gang before they get an opportunity to use it."

"It's just the four of you in this place, Mr. York?" Agent Peters eyes narrowed, as he continued to scan the room.

"Yes sir. We rented it for a family vacation," Lupin answered. Peters took long looks at all of them. Lupin did not like this guy, a typically suspicious government agent. If not for the fact Goemon was hidden away, they would have matched the basic description of a gang plus a stolen alien perfectly.

"If you don't mind, sir," Peters said. "I'd like to take a look around. Make sure your story checks out?"

"Uh, go ahead," Lupin said.

Peters pushed open the door to the first bedroom, winced at the intense odor from Jigen's stale cigarette butts, and went in with Agent Hanes following him. Agent Roth remained behind, keeping a close eye on them. The group remained quiet, nervously hoping they hadn't left anything condemning out in the rooms.

Just as Peters and Hanes exited the bedroom, a loud thud came from the room next door. The one Goemon was hidden in.

Agent Peter's face lit up. "There's someone else here," he said. Lupin could tell Jigen would have loved to punch Peters in the fact for his sadistic attitude. Luckily the gunman held his cool. Lupin, however followed Peters over to the door; the agent had drawn his gun and his hand was on the knob, ready to go in and bust the perp.

"Wait, wait," Lupin said. "That's, that's..." He wondered how someone came up with the excuse for having an Edo-period samurai in the bedroom.

Peters threw the door open and was promptly greeted with a blow to the face from a wooden object. Horrified that their hastily-made cover was blown, Lupin prepared to pull out his Walther when he finally got a good look at the figure in the door. It was all he could do not to crack up.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Lupin said as graciously as he could. "I forgot. Grandma just got in today."

Goemon had evidently been listening in, and so had raided Lupin's disguises just in case. He was stooped over, wearing an unruly gray wig, some black granny glasses, a flannel housecoat decorated with little daisies, and Lupin's bunny slippers. After butting Peters, he brought down Zantetsuken, holding it like a cane. "Ruffian!" Goemon screeched in his best old lady voice, which sounded like a cat being beaten with a rolling pin.

"Uh, sorry...sorry ma'am," Peters said, looking greatly abashed. Lupin's gang couldn't help but note that Roth and Hanes were both rolling their eyes and trying not to laugh.

"You should be sorry! Giving an old woman a fright like that! You could have given me a stroke!" Grandma made as if to hit Peters with her cane again. The agent flinched and backed off.

"Uh, thank you, Mr. York," Roth said. "We've taken up enough of your time. If you do see anything suspicious, please give us a call," he said, handing Lupin a business card. He nodded to the other two agents. Hanes and Peters turned and followed him out the door, Peters rubbing his face and shooting Grandma a murderous look before he shut the door behind him. As soon as they heard the agent's car pull away, Lupin, Jigen, and Fujiko fell to the floor in laughter.

"Nice one," Lupin gasped out.

Goemon stood up straight. Non-pulsed, he pulled of the wig and glasses. "After hanging around you for this long, I should have picked up a few of your tricks."

"Priceless," Fujiko said, wiping away tears of mirth. "I wish I had my camera."

Eshe giggled at Goemon. "Disguise," she said happily. "Like me."

Goemon graciously nodded as he pulled off the housecoat, revealing his usual gi and hakama underneath. A seriousness settled in on his face. "So what do we do now?"

Lupin sighed as he straightened up. "I'm not sure. But we can't stay here."

"What about another of your government bases?" Jigen suggested. "Maybe one of them has the technology to get her home."

"Why, Jigen," Fujiko said cattily. "I thought you weren't interested in helping."

Jigen looked at Fujiko coldly. "I just want her out of our hair as soon as possible," he said seriously.

"Alright, alright," said Lupin, breaking off Fujiko and Jigen's debate before it could escalate to a deathmatch. "Fujiko?"

"Yes?"

"You're probably the least noticeable of us right now. Go find us a car. It would be best to ditch mine for right now. We'll pack up the important stuff while you're out."

Fujiko nodded, turned, and left to follow Lupin's orders. The rest of the gang quickly gathered their things and set them on the front porch, waiting for Fujiko to arrive.

Eshe was sitting on the steps, looking out at the woods. "Danger," she said quietly, as Lupin set a box down near her.

"Don't worry," Lupin said, patting her gently on the head. "We'll help."

Eshe sighed. "Sorry," she said.

"It's not your fault," Goemon piped up, standing next to Lupin.

"We're good at this kind of thing," Lupin said proudly.

"Okay," Eshe said nodding. She lapsed into silence again, a look of concern still on her face.

"I've got a few ideas," Lupin said as he and Goemon packed another box in the cabin. "There are a few other bases that have been long held to hold alien technology. I just don't know which ones."

"It would be haphazard to hit each base and find nothing," Goemon said grimly.

"Actually," Lupin said. "I have a contact who could help us narrow them down. It's just a matter of keeping Eshe safe and hidden until we find the solution."

"I will guard her with my life," Goemon intoned seriously.

"Yeah. I've heard it all before," Lupin said wryly. "Only it's a lot funnier when you say that while wearing my bunny slippers."

Goemon looked down, blushed slightly, and said. "Damn it."


	7. Zenigata Da Vida

Lupin is not mine. Neither is the Eiffel Tower, the patient for the cotten gin, or that library book I can't find. Enjoy!

Chapter 7: Zenigata-Di-Vida

Zenigata sat in the small café, pondering his burger and coffee and wishing it were ramen and tea. On one hand, he was hungry, on another he was contemplating Lupin's next move, and on another he was mildly concerned for the thief.

Wait, he thought. Three hands. That makes no sense. He took a sip of his lukewarm coffee and looked up just in time to see some army guy, accompanied by two MPs, enter the shop. The gentleman stopped, turned, and looked around the shop. Spotting Zenigata, he made a beeline towards him.

"Are you Zenigata from Interpol?" the man said gruffly. From his mirrored sunglasses, crisp uniform, and large number of medals pinned to said uniform, Zenigata figured this guy to be the consummate military man. Which also probably made him the biggest asshole in this part of the country.

The inspector rose, pulling his ID badge from his trenchcoat. "I'm Inspector Zenigata. What can I help you with sir?"

"My name is General Gregory Waker, and I'm with the United States Army."

"Obviously," Zenigata sneered, his distaste already clear. He knew exactly what the general's next words would be.

"We're looking for Lupin III."

"Of course you are," Zenigata grumbled. Not only was Lupin a man with low morals and a dishonest nature, but he also made Zenigata's life a living hell in other ways. For example, the way everyone laughed at the Inspector's dedicated, yet so far futile pursuit of the master criminal, and then came crawling to him the second they had been screwed over by him and his gang, begging for that the help that came from experience. At first, Zenigata had enjoyed it, but now it just became annoying. No one had ever actually managed to help him catch Lupin, and as he had come to realize, no one ever would. In the end, it would just be him and the thief.

"Inspector?" General Waker's stern tone shook him out of his reverie. "Do you have any information on Lupin or his gang at this present time."

Zenigata slumped back into his booth. "He was supposed to rob the Atlanta Museum of Artifacts. Sent 'em a note and everything." He took a big bite of his burger, chewed, and continued, his mouth half full. "He never showed up, though."

"Do you think the note could have been a decoy?"

"That's what confuses me," Zenigata said, still chewing. He swallowed, cleared his throat, and added, "He never leaves notes as decoys. When he says he'll rob a place, he means it."

General Waker frowned, and then sat down across the table from the detective. "Two nights ago, sometime around midnight, a group of intruders broke into a top secret military installation. They got away with something very important."

"What?" Zenigata said, raising the burger to his mouth.

"A very powerful weapon?"

"What does that have to do with me?" Zenigata said before taking a bite.

Waker's eyes narrowed. He reached into his jacket, pulled out a set of photos, and threw them onto the table. They slid, right-side-up, and stopped at the edge of Zenigata's plate. Zenigata took one look and promptly spit out his burger.

"It's Lupin!" he sputtered, snatching up the photos. They were obviously taken from the base's security cameras. He looked closely at them. "Did he send you a note?"

"No," answered a flat voice.

"Then it can't be him! He just sticks to gold, jewels, and money. And would he do with a powerful weapon, anyway? He's never stolen anything like that before."

"We were hoping you could tell us."

"Well, I'm telling you, someone's done a very good job of impersonating him and his gang," Zenigata grumbled. "but it looks here like Lupin did a sloppy job of setting this operation up. And he never does a sloppy job," Zenigata said triumphantly. He looked up at the general and was chagrined to see the general covered in bits of chewed burger, cheese, mustard, and spit. "Uh, sorry, sir," Zenigata said, offering Waker his napkin. Waker snatched it away, cleaned off his face and uniform, and stood again. "Let's go, Inspector."

"Go?"

"Until otherwise, Interpol and the U.S. government has authorized me to take you into our custody, due to your experience with the _suspects_." The last word had the slightest of sarcastic tones to it.

"What? But I've got to stay here in Atlanta!" yelled Zenigata, attracting the attention of the MPs and several café patrons. "The real Lupin's gonna show up at any moment to hit the museum, and I've gotta be there when he does."

Waker smiled a very sinister, humorless smile. "I'm sorry, Inspector. Please come with us. I don't want to have to use force," he said, indicating the MPs, "but I will if I have to. Now, if you will..."

Zenigata could not have been more unhappy as he stood up, straightened his trenchcoat and hat, and strode out the door, followed by the general and his men. The general indicated a limo bearing American and Army flags nearby, and he, Zenigata, and the MPs climbed in.

"I may have to stay with you," Zenigata grumbled under his breath as the car set off, "but that doesn't mean I have to help you."

"Crap, this thing is small." Lupin shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to find a position that wouldn't leave his legs bent like pretzels.

"Fujiko said it was the only one available on such short notice," noted Goemon from the back seat. Even sitting in his usual position, Lupin could tell the samurai was just as uncomfortable.

"It makes your Fiat look like a damn Cadillac," Jigen said. "And even though it's so small, it manages to drive like one, too."

Lupin sighed. "No wonder Fujiko elected to keep her motorcycle." He peered out the windshield. They were both headed west along the highway, towards Lupin's contact. Fujiko was zooming along just ahead of them, looking much more comfortable and un-cramped. "Maybe she'll let us switch off later or something. Aw, my foot went to sleep again!" he moaned.

"Quit complaining and just stick your legs out the window or something," Jigen snapped. "Jeez, this is worse than having kids."

Lupin twisted around his seat in a futile effort to get comfortable. He spied Eshe, fast asleep against Goemon's shoulder. "Looks like she's taken to you."

"I don't she has been offered much in the way of friendship recently," Goemon dryly.

Lupin gave a mischievous grin. "Yeah, well don't let me catch you in the tabloids or anything with alien children, buddy."

Goemon's face turned slightly red. "I have no thoughts of the sort," he growled. If he had room to thwack Lupin on the head with his sheath, he would have in a heartbeat.

"Easy, easy," said Lupin, suddenly thankful for the lack of space. "I'm just kidding. I think it's great. Besides, your probably not 'compatible' anyway," he added with quote marks and an evil smile. Goemon turned several shades redder, and his knuckles tightened around his sword.

"So who is this contact of yours?" Jigen asked, ready to change the subject before Goemon could turn the car into a convertible.

Lupin faced front again and propped his feet on the dash as best he could. "A real interesting character," he said. "But no one anywhere knows more about these subjects than him."

"Subjects?"

"You know...aliens, government plots, spies, the fact that Elvis is alive and working at a gas station in Nebraska with Jimmy Hoffa. That sort of stuff."

"A conspiracy nut?" Jigen worried.

"A nut, but a very worthwhile one. Unlike most nuts, this nut happens to actually has good contacts and knows the truth behind most everything going on. He's a very valuable nut."

"A nut is a nut," Jigen grunted.

"Not if he's the top nut in what he does."

"Can we please stop saying nut?" Goemon asked.

Traffic had meanwhile slowed considerably. "Rush hour?" asked Lupin, noticing the possible delay.

"Can't be. It's too early," Jigen said, checking his watch.

As traffic came to a full stop, Fujiko slowed down until she was alongside the car.

"What's going on, Fuji-cakes?" Lupin asked as she pushed the visor on her helmet up.

"It's a road block," Fujiko said. "They're checking IDs and searching cars."

"I don't suppose they're looking for drugs," Lupin said hopefully.

"There's military officials up there." Fujiko paused. "And Zenigata."

"Pops?" Lupin paled. "Great. What a time for him to play catch-up."

Jigen looked at Eshe. "Normally we'd just blast through, but with Pops there, we'd be spotted in a second. He sure can be alert at the most inconvenient times."

"And this is definitely one of those," Lupin murmured, already deep in thought. There was silence in the car for a few seconds. Eshe had woken up when Jigen stopped the car. "What wrong?" she asked apprehensively, noting the tense atmosphere.

"Problem," Jigen replied curtly.

Eshe turned her worried glance to Goemon. "Problem?"

"Lupin's thinking of a way out," Goemon said, hoping she'd understand.

No sooner were the words out of Goemon's mouth than Lupin sat upright. "Fujiko, can you fit anyone else on that bike?"

Fujiko frowned. "Who were you thinking of?"

"Eshe. You can go off-road and drive her around the barricade in that thing."

"I don't know, Lupin. This isn't an all-terrain vehicle. I'd have to stay close to the road or else get totally lost in the wilderness. Plus," Fujiko added with concern, "if they happen to pursue, I don't know how I'd fend them off and manage to keep Eshe safe."

Lupin turned his look to Goemon. "Goemon, go with them."

"What?" replied Fujiko and Goemon simultaneously.

"Eshe would stay calmer with you around if there was an emergency, and you could handle things while Fujiko drives. It'll also make it that much harder for Pops to recognize what's left of us."

"I can fit them both on, but that's really going to put a strain on my bike, Lupin," Fujiko pointed out. "If I try to go too fast, there's the risk of us flipping or spinning out."

Jigen threw his hands in the air. "Plus they'd probably notice the three of them bypassing their road block." The car fell silent again. Then, Lupin's famous smug grin appeared.

"What we need," he said thoughtfully, "is a distraction."

If Zenigata could frown any more, his mouth would fall right off of his face. He was doing his darndest to make sure that General Waker knew of his extreme displeasure of his current situation. Waker remained apparently oblivious, too busy ordering his troops to notice Zenigata's exaggerated anguish and ignoring the occasional question from the inspector. Only when a vehicle came into question did the general consult with Zenigata, usually only long enough for Zenigata to shake his head. They had been at it for hours, and Zenigata knew that if they actually spotted Lupin in all of this, they'd be damn lucky.

So it was with little notice by Zenigata when a car full of balloons, driven by two clowns, pulled up to the road block.

"Hey, what's going on?" the driver clown cheerfully asked the soldier as he relinquished his ID.

"Looking for a fugitive."

"A fugitive? Wow, that's wild!" the clown said in a cheerful, high-pitched voice.

"Yeah, fan-frickin'-tastic," the disgruntled passenger clown added.

The soldier grunted. He couldn't figure out what these guys actually looked like with their make-up on. They were probably just innocent civilians, but it was more than his job was worth to screw up.

"General Waker," he called. The General strode over. Zenigata followed like a disobedient dog on a leash. "I can't ID these gentlemen with their makeup on."

"As them to remove it."

"Well, but sir...they're clowns."

"But nothing! The entire security of this nation is at stake. If their patriotic Americans, they'll understand." With that, Waker and Zenigata strode over the car.

"You two," he belted. "Remove your make-up at once."

"Golly," said the driver. "Who are you?"

"I'm General Gregory Waker, United States Army. We are searching for a group of dangerous criminals, and in order to confirm they are not you, we will have to ask you to remove your make-up."

"Gee, okay, General Wanker."

"That's Waker!" Waker thundered.

The clown shrugged and stepped out of the car. The other clown gave a look of death at his friend before following suit.

"And the balloons," Waker said. "We have to make sure you're not hiding anyone back there."

The clown nodded. The two of them removed two large bundles of balloons from the back of the car.

Now that they were out of the car, Zenigata peered at them carefully. It was hard to tell who they really were with the red foam noses and bright wigs. "Alright, you two. Take 'em off," he said.

"We can't do that! That would be traumatic to all of the little children back there," the clown said.

Zenigata growled. "It'll be more traumatic if you don't follow orders."

The clown held up his hands. "Okay, okay. Fine. But I can't do this one-handed. Could you hold on to our balloons?" he asked, and both clowns handed them to Zenigata and Waker. "Don't let them go, or little Jimmy is going to be very disappointed."

"Enough funny stuff." Waker barked. "Make-up off, now!"

"Just the make-up?" the clown asked, fluttering his eyelashes at Waker.

Waker turned red. "What the hell?"

"Well, we're just a couple of kinky clowns. We'd be happy to give you the whole show," the clown said, a familiar smirk appearing on his face. With that, he grabbed the front of his costume in both hands and pulled, his partner following suit.

Zenigata and Waker's embarrassment and confusion were changed to rage when the clown suits and wigs gave way to a bright red jacket and a familiar fedora. "Lu-Lupin! Jigen!" Zenigata roared. "You're under arrest!"

"Aw, Pops. This surprise party was just for you, and here you are, so ungrateful. Now why don't you hand out the balloons and I'll pass out the cake." Lupin gave Zenigata his cheesiest grin.

Waker sputtered before finally catching his breath. "Men!" he roared. "We have them!"

"I afraid not, my dear Wanker."

"It's Waker!"

"Whatever it is, we're not sticking around," Jigen grunted.

"We'd love to stay, but we don't want to be bad guests. We'll just get out of your hair so you can clean up the mess we're going to make." With that, Lupin and Jigen pushed away the two guards next to their car and leapt in. "Toodle-oo, Pops!"

"Lupin! Get back here!" Zenigata roared. He wove his fist in anger; he and Waker were still clutching the bundle of balloons.

"Men!" Waker shouted. "Shoot them!"

"But sir," one man said. "The balloons are in the way."

"Shoot the damn balloons!" Waker said, a vein in his forehead throbbing.

With that, the guards opened fire. It was loud, but nothing compared to the explosion that followed.

Lupin turned and glanced back, laughing evilly. "Dear, dear. Someone should have told Pops it was a bad idea to shoot balloons full of hydrogen gas."

"Some explosion," Jigen said, lighting a cigarette. "Good thing that didn't take any longer, or I'd have blown us up instead."

"Has anyone told you to cut down on smoking?" Lupin sighed. "Ah well. They'll be too busy putting out the raging fire we started to notice a little ol' motorcycle chugging by. On to the meeting spot!"

Fujiko grinned triumphantly as she watched Zenigata's hopes go up in smoke. From what she could make out between the thin line of trees, the entire force was concentrated on putting out the fire that engulfed most of the road block. Zenigata was there to, smoldering and sputtering with anger. They would make it by totally unnoticed.

She never noticed the fine tripwire that had sprung in front of her cycle.

As soon as the bike hit the wire, the back of the motorcycle began to flip upwards. Goemon and Eshe were flung off, but Fujiko managed to hold on. Somehow, she twisted as the bike landed on its side, and managed to keep from being crushed beneath it. As soon as she had her wits about her, she looked for the alien and the samurai. Eshe had had a helmet on, keeping her head safe, but she was rubbing her shoulder. Thanks to his quick reflexes and a patch of soft ground, Goemon had managed to avoid landing on his head and was now shakily sitting up in a puddle of mud.

Fujiko let go of the bike, about to run over and check Eshe and Goemon when she heard a sinister click. She turned to see the barrel of a gun aimed at her head.

"Nice try," a quiet voice said, and Fujiko looked up to see Agent Amy Hanes behind the trigger.


	8. Off The Road Again

Lupin does not belong to me. He belongs to Monkey Punch. All hail Monkey Punch!

Chapter 8: Off The Road Again

"Don't move," Hanes said firmly. "Weapons over here, please."

Fujiko frowned, reached into her jumpsuit, and pulled out her Browning by the barrel. She tossed it just past Agent Hanes' feet. Goemon, who had maintained a death grip on his katana through the whole ordeal, reluctantly threw it; it landed just next to Fujiko's gun.

Hanes relaxed slightly, but her face wore the same stern expression. "Now, Ms. Mine, Mr. Ishikawa—where is the alien?"

Eshe's face hardened at the agent's words, but she said nothing. Fujiko looked up innocently at Hanes. "Alien?"

"The alien your gang took from Project Elijay," Hanes said. "Please don't lie, Ms. Mine. We have footage of you...that's right, all four of you at the base in various capacities." Fujiko's look of surprise caused Agent Hanes to smile. "If Lupin and his men hadn't taken the alien, we would have arrested you anyway."

Fujiko slumped into a pout, and Hanes turned her attention to Eshe and Goemon. "Now, I'll repeat...where is the alien?"

"You will not find her," Goemon intoned. Every muscle in his body was tense, looking for an opening to bring down Hanes.

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Ishikawa, but how could we miss her? The green skin, those frightening blue eyes, those fearsome talons. I don't know why you took her, but you must understand. She has fantastic killing capabilities and is property of the United States government."

Eshe stood up. Before Fujiko and Goemon could react, she yelled, "I am not!"

Hanes looked confused. She trained her gun on Eshe. "What did you say?"

"I am not a weapon," Eshe said, calming slightly, but still bristling with rage. "My name is Eshe. I am intelligent. I am not a weapon," she said firmly.

Agent Hanes finally gave the girl a good look. The red hair, the pale face, the hands...webbed fingers and sharp talons.

"You're the alien," she hissed, eyes widening in shock.

"Not just alien. I am Eshe!" Eshe said. Her wig had become slightly dislodged in the crash, and she reached up and it pulled away, revealing her mane and fins.

"Calm down," Agent Hanes said, tightening her grip on the gun.

"Leave me alone." Eshe said taking a step forward. Her voice quieted. "I want to go home."

"We...we can't allow that. You've seen too much."

"Home," Eshe said taking another step, and suddenly her eyes took on a very dangerous look.

Hanes panicked. "Take another step and I'll fire!" she yelped, bracing the gun.

Eshe stared at her, and then took one defiant step.

Hanes pulled the trigger.

"Eshe!" cried Goemon and Fujiko. Goemon sprang forward, knowing he could never push Eshe out of the way before the bullet struck her.

It was much to his amazement then that when he did reach her, she was still standing perfectly upright, a look of concentration on her face. Hanes and Fujiko were staring in shocked silence, and it was only then that Goemon saw why.

The bullet fired from Hanes' gun was sitting perfectly still, floating in the air mere inches away from Eshe's chest. Eshe blinked once, and the bullet fell harmlessly, as if it had simply dropped through the air.

Hanes uttered a squeak of horror. Goemon could see her fingers tense, ready to fire again.

"No more," Eshe said quietly. Suddenly, the gun flew out of Hanes' hands. It landed in the same mud puddle Goemon had moments earlier. At the same time, the Browning and Zantetsuken flew out from behind Hanes and into the hands of their respective owners. Fujiko trained her gun on Hanes while Goemon cautiously put a hand on Eshe's shoulder.

"Eshe?" he asked quietly.

The look of concentration faded from Eshe's face. She glanced at Goemon, and gave him a reassuring smile. "Done," she said quietly.

"A...a telekinetic?" Hanes said, her knees dissolving under her. They hit the ground, her limbs falling limp. Somehow, she remained upright, and her eyes remained fixed on the alien. "All the tests...all this time...why didn't we know?"

"Did you try asking her?" Fujiko asked, feeling rather punchy. The pain from her landing was starting to creep into her limbs as the adrenaline wore off.

"She never talked," Hanes said numbly.

"You never tried," Eshe said, sounding a bit curt.

"Where did you find her?" Goemon asked, carefully approaching the nearly catatonic agent.

Hanes didn't look up. In a flat, monotone, she started, "In the Appalachian Mountains, somewhere near the peak of Mt. Mitchell. The ship crashed there. Several locals saw it in the sky, and our team was dispatched to investigate. We found a damaged alien ship, and...them."

"And what next?" Goemon pushed. Suddenly, Agent Hanes pitched forward, unconscious before she hit the ground.

Fujiko stowed her Browning in its usual place and rushed forward. She took the agent's pulse and frowned. "She's gone into shock, Goemon."

Goemon glided forward, Eshe following close behind. Eshe had a look of concern on her face. "Is she hurt?" she asked.

"She might die if we don't help her," Goemon told her honestly. There was no sense in sugar-coating things.

"My...my fault?" Eshe asked, voice trembling.

Damn, Goemon thought. How do I explain this one? He was not good at being empathetic, especially to women on the verge of tears.

"No, Eshe," Fujiko broke in gently. "Sometimes humans get so afraid or upset, they kind of shut down. You didn't hurt her." Eshe seemed to relax a bit. If Goemon hadn't been so diligent in his samurai training, he would have kissed Fujiko there and then. But his feeling of relief rapidly turned into concern again.

"What should we do now?" he asked. It was getting late, and Lupin and Jigen were probably missing them about now.

Fujiko stood up, giving her motorcycle a slightly sad look. "My bike's dead. We're not going anywhere on it." Her face lit up as she peered around. "Check it out. Our friendly government agent has left her car for us. We can hide what's left of the motorcycle in the woods and meet Jigen and Lupin in that." She looked down at Agent Hanes. "What about her?"

"We should take her with us, and leave her where she'll be easily found. If we leave her here, something might happen to her before help comes." Goemon turned to Eshe. "Is that okay with you?"

Eshe nodded furiously. She picked up her wig and straightened it back on her head as Fujiko and Goemon drug the remains of the motorcycle into a nearby thicket. The three of them then gently carried Hanes over to the car. Fujiko located the keys; everyone quickly got themselves situated in the vehicle and they roared off to meet the rest of the gang.

Lupin nervously checked his watch. "They're late."

Jigen, hat pulled down, grunted and exhaled a puff of smoke.

"You don't think something happened to them?"

"I'm sure the trail was a little rougher than they expected. They'll be here soon."

Lupin glanced behind the car again, hoping to see them come up the road. "If they're not here in five minutes, I'm going back."

The car fell silent again, Lupin looking around every thirty seconds or so, Jigen still smoking. Finally, Jigen said, "For God's sake, Lupin. Cut that out. You'll give yourself whiplash."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm...uh-oh."

"Uh-oh, what?"

Lupin looked nervously behind him. "There's a government car right behind us."

Jigen raised his head slightly. "Maybe they'll think we're stranded motorists."

"Ah, that's why they're flashing their lights at us, then."

There was a brief pause. "Damn." Jigen prepared to use his famous quick draw as the car pulled up along side them. The dark tinted windows made it impossible to see who was inside, and the gunman was willing to wager the windows were bulletproof as well.

"On three," Lupin said as the window started to roll down.

"Gotcha."

"One...two..."

"Lupin!"

Lupin and Jigen stopped and stared. "Fujiko?" Jigen said, stunned.

"Why are you in a government vehicle? What happened to your bike? Where's Eshe and Goemon?"

Fujiko leaned back slightly, letting Lupin catch a glimpse of Eshe sitting in the passenger's seat. "And Goemon's in the back," she added. "As well as Agent Hanes."

"That woman agent?" Lupin said, aghast. "What the hell is she doing back there?"

Fujiko quickly explained about the trap and what had happened. "So what now?" she finished.

Lupin did not hesitate. "Let's keep going. My contact is going to have a field day with this one."

"What about Hanes?" Jigen asked.

"We'll have to keep her around. If we take her to a hospital, she can tell her tale to the rest of military intelligence. That is something we do not need following us around." Lupin said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

Goemon piped up from the back. "Perhaps Eshe should ride with you, in case Agent Hanes wakes up and gets any ideas."

"Good plan." At prompting from Fujiko, Eshe hopped out of Hanes' car and leapt into the backseat of Lupin's. "Everyone, comfy?" he said. Eshe nodded and Jigen exhaled a large puff of smoke. "Good. Let's get out of here." With that, the two cars continued on to their next target.

Farther back on the road, General Waker was giving a dressing down to his troops for letting Lupin through the roadblock. "I can't believe it!" he howled. "All the training, all the warnings and you let him slip through your fingers. I should send you pansies to the Boy Scouts to make men out of you."

Zenigata couldn't decide whether to feel chagrined for the poor abused troops or amused at Waker's reaction. They always had to find out the hard way that Lupin didn't simply walk into a trap. He snuck up to it, disarmed it, reassembled it, and made it spring back on the hunter while he gleefully skipped away.

Waker's tirade was interrupted by a deep "harrumph." Waker turned to see Agent Roth and Agent Peters approaching from the woods near the shoulder.

Waker made no effort to hide his annoyance. "What is it?" he growled.

Roth frowned. "I just thought you would like to know that while your men were up here lit up like the Fourth of July, the rest of Lupin's gang was taking a shortcut through the woods nearby."

"We assumed you'd send troops to cover the woods," Peters said condescendingly. "But when we found out otherwise, Agents Roth, Hanes, and myself took the liberty."

"Did you catch anyone?" Waker said. He seemed to have deflated a bit; it was clear he had not thought of that at all.

"Peters and I saw nothing," Roth noted. "But we heard a gunshot. We followed the noise, but by the time we got there, all we found was the remains of a wrecked motorcycle and some muddy footprints."

"Fujiko's cycle," Zenigata interjected, and Roth nodded.

"And what is your point?" Waker snapped.

Peters frowned. "Agent Hanes is missing, as is our transport car. She's been captured, sir."

Waker paled slightly, but finally regained his composure. "Redouble our efforts to locate Lupin's gang. Before they can do something to Agent Hanes." He nodded at Roth and Peters. "I'm giving you gentlemen free reign. I trust you have some ideas of what to do next."

Zenigata flinched slightly as Peters cracked his knuckles. "Don't worry, sir. By the time we're done, Lupin and his gang will regret ever crossing our paths."


	9. The Government Says the Darndest Things

Rargh. Lupin no belong to me. Lupin good. Fire bad.

Chapter 9: The Government Says the Darndest Things

"Jigen." The gunman felt a slight poke in his rib cage. "Jiiiigen," Lupin said again, louder. "Wake up, Jigen. Put your shoes on, we're almost at Grandma's."

Jigen stretched and straightened up as best he could in the back seat. He took a quick glance out the window, enough to note the thick coastal forests had changed into flat, dusty land. "Texas?"

"Yup," Lupin said. "My contact's about another fifteen minutes down the road."

"Anyone try and follow us?"

"Just Fujiko and Goemon," Lupin noted cheerfully. "Not a sign of trouble."

"Thank you for worrying me," Jigen groaned.

"Jigen is awake?" Eshe said from the front seat. "Sleep good?"

"Yeah," Jigen said, trying to figure out if the crick in his neck would ever straighten out again. "I slept okay."

"Good. Lupin talks. Tells me about lands," she said, indicating the landscape out the window. "Very interesting."

"I'm glad you approve," Jigen replied as courteously as he could muster. An object from the front flew over the seatback and landed on Jigen's stomach.

"Call Fujiko on my cell," Lupin said. "Let her know we're about to arrive."

Not far behind, Fujiko and Goemon were riding in silence. At last, Fujiko piped up. "What are we going to tell them about Eshe?"

Goemon opened his eyes. "Nothing. They do not need to know now. Especially Jigen. We will let them know when the time is right."

"And that time would be?"

There was a long pause. "I would prefer after Eshe finds her way home, but I have a feeling that is just wishful thinking."

At that moment, the cell rang. Fujiko picked it up, said a few quick things into it, and shut it off. "We're almost there," she informed Goemon. "Lupin's going to lead us in. He doesn't think his contact would take well to an unaccompanied government car entering his property."

"This fellow sounds quite eccentric," Goemon noted.

"Takes one to know one," Fujiko said with a quick grin. "He's probably some old grizzled war veteran who took one too many blows to the head...or the crack pipe."

Ahead, Lupin turned off the main road onto a barely discernable trail. "We're about to find out," Goemon said quietly.

The first sign of civilization Jigen noted after pulling off the main road was a tangled tower, constructed of the skeletons of old cars and various appliances. "What's that for?" he asked Lupin.

"That's his radar detector," Lupin answered matter-of-factly.

Jigen scratched his head. "Does it actually work?"

"Dunno. I've never asked him."

Shortly thereafter, the two cars pulled up in a wide, dusty driveway. Surrounding it were more towers and devices, all built of objects that looked like they had been pulled from the local landfill. A battered bus sat in the middle of the mess, just in front of the tallest and widest of the junk piles. Jigen noticed a silhouette in one of the windows.

Lupin turned off his car. Quickly got out and raised his hands in the air. "Hey, Jed!" he yelled. "It's me, Lupin!"

The door of the bus opened, but the figure remained inside. "Prove it!"

"Elvis is alive in Nebraska, but Paul McCartney really is dead!"

"Good enough," the man said, his voice getting friendlier. He stepped out into the light, and much to Fujiko's surprise, the man was actually fairly young. He was tall, with a ruggedly handsome appearance, a muscular physique, and weather-beaten skin. A gray cowboy hat perched atop his sandy blonde hair. "Welcome to the Radiation Ranch, Mr. Lupin. What brings you into my part of the world?"

"I need some help, and I couldn't think of a better expert than you. But first, allow me to introduce my associates." The rest of the gang took this as a cue that it was safe to exit their vehicles. Eshe also exited, but hung around behind Jigen, obviously nervous about this new face.

"This is Daisuke Jigen, Goemon Ishikawa, and Fujiko Mine," he said, pointing each of them out. "Guys, this is Jed Burnett. He's the leader of the Texan Conspiracy Testers."

"Just carrying on my father's work," Jed said nobly.

"Jed's dad practically invented the paranoid anti-government nut," Lupin added, and Jed beamed in pride. "Anyway Jed, I've got something interesting for you to look at." He gestured for Eshe to come out from behind Jigen. She gave the gunman a frightened look; he did his best to nod in what he hoped was an assuring manner. She quietly stepped out, her face pointing down.

"Don't be shy, Eshe. He's not going to hurt you." Lupin came over, took Eshe gently by the hand, and lead her to Jed. "So Jed, see anything interesting about this young lady."

Jed frowned and scratched his head. "Hmmm...something about her seems off." He leaned in closer and remarked, "Her skin tone seems too even, indicating extensive make-up and/or mask coverage." After a pause and a few more scratches, he guessed, "Incurable disease?"

"Not even close, Jed," Lupin said, sounding slightly disappointed. "Try again. Take a closer look."

Jed gave Eshe another quick glance before his eyes found her hands. He gave a startled jump into the air. "Holy...an alien! A real genuine alien!"

"Bingo," Lupin said. Goemon and Fujiko exchanged concerned, slightly confused looks. Jigen did his best not to look in the least bit interested.

Eshe carefully peeled her mask and wig off, letting Jed get a good look at her visage. Jed jumped up and down excitedly. "An Alterian!" he burst. He calmed down and gave Eshe a serious look. "Asu ko'jin sa?"

Eshe's face lit up. "Bion, yitt daq po?"

Jed grinned. "I've heard broadcasts from your ships. Were you in the ship orbiting Earth two years ago?"

Eshe nodded eagerly. "They kept calling for you, you know," Jed said gently. "I haven't heard anything lately, though. I think they've given up on there being any survivors." With this, Eshe's face fell.

"Jed," Lupin said, "we want to get her home. Is there any possibility?"

The cowboy looked thoughtful. "Come on in my bus. I might have some info, but it will take time to look it up. In the meantime, you guys can cool off and take a look around."

After helping bring Hanes into the trailer, Goemon and Jigen had opted to take a look around Jed's ranch, rather than be cooped up in the stuffy, smelly bus with the rest of the gang.

"Look at this stuff," Jigen said, rapping on a piece of sheet metal affixed to another of Jed's unrecognizable devices. "Either this guy is a genius, or he's the biggest nut I've ever met."

"Had I not seen him communicate with Eshe, I would have agreed with you on the latter." The samurai paused, and added, "We should not underestimate him. Part of his schemes rest on outsiders viewing him as insane and obsessed."

Jigen nodded in agreement. "I hope he can get Eshe out of our hair."

"You still haven't taken to her, Jigen."

"How'd you guess?" Jigen said dryly.

"May I ask why you still dislike her?"

Jigen plucked the cigarette butt out of his mouth and pitched it to the dusty ground. "We don't know a thing about her. The army keeps referring to her as a dangerous weapon. Now, I know as much as you do that half the time they're just making shit up to scare everyone so they can track us down faster to cover up their big mistake, but...what if they're right?"

"The thought had crossed my mind," Goemon admitted, thinking of Eshe's feat in the woods earlier. "However, I have no more reason to believe her a weapon than someone with as much humanity as the rest of us."

Jigen shook his head. "I still don't know enough about her to trust her. She's friendly now, but how do we know when she gets mad she has the capability of blowing up the planet?"

"We'll just have to keep her happy then," Goemon said seriously. He turned to go back to the bus. "You coming?"

Jigen shrugged. "Yeah, I think I've seen enough landfill for one day." He gave the pile of junk one last kick and dislodged the thick metal panel; it hit the ground with a dull thud. He started off, following Goemon as the samurai made his way between two tall towers of trash. It came as something of a shock when a large figure in black fell from one tower and made a ten-point landing on top of the samurai.

"Don't move," a voice behind him said with a hint of sadistic amusement. "Your time is up."

"Now, where did I put that..." Jed trailed off, flipping through an old, patched together book. "Let's see...let's see...ah-hah!" He triumphantly pulled a piece of paper from the dusty pages. Carelessly tossing book down to the floor, he went for the nearest file cabinet, pulled out a few folders, and tossed the whole mess down on the card table.

The inside of Jed's bus was as bad as the outside of his ranch. Except instead of piles of rusting metal and broken car parts, the bus was filled to bursting with books, papers, old computer systems, and miscellaneous other junk. Somehow he had also crammed in the table, two old wooden, mis-matched chairs, a camp stove, a small TV set, and a rusting old cot that was currently occupied by the unfortunate Agent Hanes. Fujiko felt her claustrophobia kick in slightly, but managed to keep calm as not to upset Eshe and let Jed and Lupin concentrate on their work.

Jed rifled through the papers on the table. "Here we go!" he burst, unfolding what appeared to be an old map. Outlines, numbers, and notes were written in red ink. "Mt. Mitchell, North Carolina. Tallest peak east of the Mississippi River. About two years ago, residents of the surrounding area spotted what appeared to be a meteor crash into the top of the peak. An astronomy team from a local university was dispatched, as were certain government agencies.

"Why?" Lupin asked.

"Agents are routinely dispatched for cases where there is even the slightest suspicion of something strange. And in this case," Jed added, pointing to a rather large circle on the map, "they happened to be right. What had landed was not a meteor, but rather an alien ship."

"Our ship," Eshe said. "Sudden loss of power. Could not stop. Pulled down and crashed," Eshe informed them.

Jed nodded. "But they didn't know that. They couldn't be sure you were friendly, and so they decided to take you into custody."

Eshe seemed to bristle at the words, but said nothing.

Jed continued his dissertation. "Meanwhile, the university team had to be, as in many of these cases, liquidated."

"You mean murdered in cold blood," Lupin said, disgust in his voice.

"A blunt way of putting it...anyway, the team of four was taken into the woods to be shot. The...liquidation of the first three was carried off without a problem. But the fourth, a student researcher, was only wounded. He somehow managed to escape the agents and ran for his life. Unfortunately, he ran right in front of the aliens. And the agents were still firing at him. One shot hit one of the aliens. Mass confusion followed, and all of the aliens were killed but one. While that one was taken away, the rest of the agents went into the spaceship."

There was a long silence. "And," Fujiko hinted impatiently.

"That's it. Every recording device there seemed to go haywire. Contact was lost with the agents for two days. When it resumed, there were only three survivors. You," he said, pointing at Eshe. "Her," A point at Agent Hanes. "And an Agent John Peters."

"We've met that asshole," Lupin said, waving his hand absent-mindedly. "Never mind all that. How do we get Eshe home?"

Jed grinned and pulled out a thick file folder. "I'm taking a big risk handing all this to you. I'll probably never see it again."

"What is it?" Lupin asked, opening the folder.

"There's a top-secret research facility in New Mexico. People in my line of work call it the real Area 51." Jed leaned up against a small side counter. "Of course, that's not what the U.S. Army calls it. To them, it's Project Turquoise."

Lupin's eyes lit up as he scanned the files. "They have the remains of Eshe's ship. And..."

"...and according to that intelligence, it's mostly intact," Jed finished. "Pretty good read, huh?"

"Where do you get this stuff?" Lupin said incredulously, consulting technical blueprints, building layouts, and passwords.

"I can't tell you everything. You'd put me out of business," Jed chortled.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Lupin exclaimed, tucking Jed's file in his jacket.

"Whoa, whoa," Fujiko said, standing up. "What about her?" she said pointing at Agent Hanes. "I don't think she's going to just come along quietly. And I don't think Jed wants to baby-sit for us."

"I'm not sure..." Lupin started, his mind clicking into gear.

A loud crashing sound came from outside. A loud voice, amplified by a bullhorn, called, "We have you surrounded. Send the alien and our agent out. Any attempts seen as hostile will result in lethal action."

"That's one way," Lupin said meekly.


	10. End of the Innocence

More Lupin-y goodness! Yay! Lupin is not mine. Boo!

Chapter 10: End of the Innocence

Jigen didn't wait for further instructions. He kicked the loose panel from the pile with the control and finesse of a soccer player, sending it just high enough to catch it. Using it as a shield, he deflected the bullets and dove for cover between two rusted out cars.

"Dammit," the voice snarled. Jigen poked his head up enough to confirm it was Agent Peters. "Surrender now, or the samurai gets it!"

Peters' request was greeted by a thud, and a choked-off cry. "I suggest you surrender," Jigen said, grinning as Goemon untangled himself from the now unconscious government agent that had dropped on his head.

Goemon, for his part, looked slightly annoyed as he dusted his kimono off. "That hurt, you know," he said dryly.

Peters was momentarily taken aback. "I wouldn't try anything. I've got five of our country's finest assassins here and surrounding that bus."

"Does that five include this one?" Goemon asked, pointing at the fallen agent.

"I will leave with the alien!" Peters shouted, enraged. He took a shot at Goemon, who nimbly leapt out of the way and landed behind Jigen's shelter.

"He doesn't seem very concerned about the other agent," Goemon noted as Peters advanced on them.

"Just isn't the warm fuzzy type, I guess." Jigen had casually pulled out his gun and took aim at Peters' weapon. He winced as one of Peters' shots came uncomfortably close to his head, and then squeezed off a shot of his own. Peters' gun flew from his hand as the agent let out a cry of pain. Jigen and Goemon quickly rounded their temporary barrier, Jigen keeping his gun trained on the wounded agent and Goemon ready to draw Zantetsuken in a heartbeat.

"Damn you," Peters howled. "Do you know what that thing will do to you?"

"No, enlighten us," Jigen said, not wavering for a second.

Peters allowed a bitter, almost mad laugh to escape. He sat down firmly on the ground, looking the gunman straight in the eye. "We were only doing our jobs. But they came after us, attacked us. Somehow, they kept our weapons from firing, but that didn't stop me." Peters' laugh turned deranged. "She'll kill you without a second thought!"

Goemon soundly thwacked Peters in the back of the head with his sheath. Peters fell to the ground, unconscious. He then glanced over at Jigen, who looked slightly shaky. "Don't believe him, Jigen. He's gone crazy."

"We don't know that for sure," Jigen said, staring at the downed agent. "He may not be trustworthy, but he probably knows more about her that us."

"They don't," Goemon murmured softly, the words slipping out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Jigen stopped short and gave the samurai a cold, hard stare. "What do you know, Goemon?" he said suspiciously.

Goemon mentally cursed his momentary lack of discipline. "Eshe is telekinetic. She can move things with thought. When Agent Hanes cornered us in the woods, Hanes shot at her. She stopped the bullet without a problem."

Jigen paled. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Fujiko and I worried you wouldn't take the news well. It appears our worries were well-founded."

"Of course I'm worried!" Jigen spat. "Who knows what she can do with those powers? She can stop bullets...she probably stopped those guns from functioning. If she gets really upset, what's to stop her from hurling us into a fire, or squeezing our insides into pulp!"

Goemon prepared Zantetsuken for another blow. "You're starting to sound like him, Jigen," he said, pointing at the downed agent with his free hand. "I know you do not take well to change, but you need to trust her. And trust us."

The two thieves stared at each other, not backing down. The impending duel was luckily ended when the ground beneath them began shaking violently. The sound of twisting steel and loud explosions could be heard shortly thereafter.

"What the hell is going on?" Jigen said, looking around for the source of the noise.

"The bus," Goemon said, thinking quickly. "The others are in danger. Let's go!" Without a second thought, Jigen and Goemon made a beeline back to the center of Jed's ranch.

Fujiko peered out the window as Eshe hastily threw her disguise back on, Lupin scooped up the unconscious agent, and Jed tinkered with some old computers nearby. "There's at least five of 'em...they all look like super assassins or something." She squinted through the dusty window, trying to get a better assessment of the situation. "Agent Roth is the guy on the bullhorn. He looks pretty cheesed off."

"There's no way we're giving them Eshe," Lupin said firmly. "And I don't know how to get either her or our rogue agent out of here without them being able to take us out."

"Stand back, amateurs," Jed said with a fierce grin. He tapped three buttons on a keypad and a door opened up in the floor of the bus. "What, you think I'd be caught without an escape route?" he said, grinning at Lupin and Fujiko's startled reactions. Without a second thought, he jumped down the hatch.

"Fujiko and Eshe, you two first," Lupin ordered, quickly recovering.

As Fujiko herded Eshe over the escape hatch, Eshe suddenly turned back. "Goemon! Jigen!" she cried.

"They'll be okay. They can take care of themselves," Fujiko said, urging Eshe down the ladder. With one last, almost heartbroken glance, Eshe followed Jed. Fujiko started down, stopping to help Lupin support Agent Hanes between them. It was awkward, but they somehow managed to get her down between the two of them. Eshe and Jed waited at the bottom of the tunnel. "Let's go," Jed said calmly. "I've got a surefire way out of here."

"We'd need a tank to get out of here," Fujiko noted gravely.

"Funny you should say that," Jed said, throwing open a rusty metal door. Sure enough, a rather large artillery tank sat inside a small cave. Fujiko looked up and realized the top of the cave was made from the humungous junk pile behind the bus.

Lupin wasted no time in helping the three women into the tank. Once they were safely ensconced inside, Jed pushed a large red button on the wall. As he made his way into the tank, the vehicle began to slowly rise; Fujiko quickly realized that they were on some kind of platform that would take them up to the surface.

Jed closed the hatch and took the pilot position. Lupin grabbed the controls for the tank's cannon. Fujiko was about to take the navigator's seat when she felt a pull on her arm. She glanced over at the concerned Eshe.

"She waking up," Eshe said quietly, and sure enough Agent Hanes was finally stirring. Fujiko decided to stay put, going over to sit next to Eshe. Hanes opened her eyes; the loud noise and vibration of the tank and platform made her wince. "Where am I?" she asked weakly.

"In a tank," Fujiko answered matter-of-factly. "We're escaping from some of your friends, if you really want to know."

Hanes groaned and covered her face in her hands. "It's gone wrong. All wrong," she muttered.

"What has?" Fujiko asked. Before Hanes could answer, the tank lurched forward, sending piles of rusting metal toppling to the ground.

"Yee-haw!" Jed said, waving his hat in the air. "Take that, you agents of oppression!" Lupin, peering though the slight of the cannon, grinned as the ultra-assassins shed their training and scattered like roaches before the tank. Agent Roth, stood dumbfounded as the tank rolled forward over not only Agent's Hanes's car, but his own government vehicle. As the tank rolled triumphantly out of sight, Roth spotted Lupin's small rental car buzzing along in the dust behind it, the former mobster at the wheel and the samurai perched on the roof.

Agent Peters, incensed, staggered out of the wreckage of the ranch, rubbing his head painfully with his uninjured hand. "They...are...so...dead," he said in an eerily calm voice.

"Thanks for your help, Jed," Lupin said cheerfully. Now a safe distance away from the government killers, Jed had kindly stopped to let Jigen and Goemon catch up. "Sure you don't want to come with us?"

"Naw. I suspect you'll do just find without me. Anyway, got to head on home, salvage what I can, and hit the road."

"Sorry about your place," Fujiko said.

"Happens all the time. Well, maybe not quite so flashy, but enough it's just a part of life for me." Jed tipped his hat back. "Anyway, good luck. Hope you get back home, Miss Eshe."

Eshe nodded at him. "You are too kind."

"Shucks," Jed said, blushing. With a wild wave, he slid back into the tank and started it up, heading off into the desert.

There was a long silence. "Where on earth do you find these people, Lupin?" Jigen sighed.

"I don't think you really want to know," Lupin said. He looked over at Agent Hanes, who was curled up against the side of the car and had remained silent through the whole exchange. "What about you, Agent Hanes? Can we drop you off somewhere?"

"I want to come with you," Hanes said quietly.

The gang stopped short, stunned. "Are you going to double-cross us?" Jigen asked bluntly.

"No. I can help. I want to make things right." With that, Hanes stood up, dusted herself off, and looked each gang member in the eye.

They sent each other a meaningful glance. Without a pause, Lupin waved his arms. "Alright, everyone into the clown car." After much rearranging, shoving, and general discomfort, the gang plus two were off for their final goal: Project Turquoise.

Crowded in the backseat between Goemon and Agent Hanes, Eshe sat silently. The landscape rolled by, no longer as interesting as it was. It held threats instead of promise.

Eshe had come to Earth as part of a scouting mission, to assess the level of civilization on this planet. At this point, her people felt it prudent to look and not make contact with the people of the Earth. Nevertheless, Eshe, who was one of the few beings of her people that held the position of interplanetary ambassador and mediator, was sent along just in case.

Things were fine for the first few weeks. Undetected by anyone, they quietly observed Earth's society, figuring out the various cultures, technology, and politics. It was all greatly confusing, but interesting nonetheless. And then, suddenly, without warning, came the emergency. The ship lost power, and nothing anyone did could get it to stabilize. Eshe, the only non-technologically gifted crew member, sat to the side and watched as her crewmates made a futile effort to re-power everything up so they could at least escape the pull of gravity from the planet below. Nothing worked.

The next thing Eshe knew, she was lying in the wreckage of the ship, with a few minor injuries. She could tell though that several of the crew were already dead or severely injured with little hope for recovery. The only thing she and the survivors could do was activate the distress beacon and hope the people of Earth left them alone long enough for a rescue ship to come.

While the only two survivors of the engineering crew set to work on the damaged beacon, Eshe, Thau, the ship's captain, and the two remaining bridge crew, Ujim and Kwa set out exploring the immediate area. When they came upon a group of humans just outside the ship, talking excitedly and hauling what looked like observational equipment, the two groups stopped and stared at each other for what felt like forever. Eshe made the first move as part of her ship's duties. She tried to communicate with the humans, trying to express that they were not there to hurt anyone. For a while, it seemed okay.

And then the men in internal-combustion vehicles came. Some, including a very tall human with dark skin, shooed off the first group of humans while a second group tried to communicate with Eshe's race. Thau stepped forward and identified himself. They kept repeating the same things over and over in an attempt to communicate, and Eshe tried to pick up on it as best she could. Just when she was about to make an attempt to reply in their language, a loud popping sound came from in the woods not far away, followed by several more. And then one of the first humans burst from the woods, looking frightened and clutching his leg, obviously injured. He ran towards Eshe and her people, screaming and in distress. The dark-skinned agent, tearing after him, paused and fired his weapon at the victim. And he missed the human, striking Thau instead.

Eshe let out a cry of alarm. She ran to Thau's side, but he was already dead, killed instantly by a tiny metal pellet. The other crewmembers stood, dumbfounded, before Ujim let out a howl of rage and ran at the agent, closely followed by Kwa. The human pulled the trigger of his weapon just as Eshe detected a high-pitched whine from inside the ship...the distress beacon had been fixed and activated. That agent's weapon...none of their weapons would fire. The electromagnetic radiation from the beacon was too great.

But that didn't stop the agents. Within minutes, Ujim and Kwa were dead, brought down by repeated, brutal blows from the agents. Eshe did her best to remain out of sight, but another agent, apparently female, grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the vehicles they had arrived in. The agent who had started shooting stormed after the two of them, yelling something angrily while the rest of the agents left the battered bodies of Eshe's people and boarded the ship.

The explosion that followed was deafening and blinding. Eshe never quite figured out what had happened, but she suspected that the ship's power source had probably become unstable and highly combustible. And something...quite possibly the energy from the beacon, finally caused a reaction of some sort, resulting the catastrophe.

Not that it mattered. Eshe and the two agents were the only survivors, shielded from the blast by the car. The male agent screamed and threatened Eshe, but the female agent stopped him before putting Eshe in the battered but useable vehicle.

As Hanes and Peters drove her from the mountain, Eshe wondered, frightened, what would become of her. As it turns out, after a very long drive, Project Elijay was her destination. For two years, she was poked, prodded, injected, and sampled. No one attempted to communicate with or befriend her. The men and women in the green uniforms and the white coats became the only beings she saw day in and day out, treating her like a lab animal. They yelled at her and berated her, probably more out of fear than anything else.

And then one day, all of the lights suddenly went out. This had never happened before, and the guards outside were yelling. Eshe sat in the dark, alone and scared. She eventually heard soft footsteps coming down the hall and someone checking the doors of the other cells. When hers opened, she expected to see one of the soldiers checking on her. Instead, a man with long dark hair and wearing loose-fitting robes entered, unlike any human she had ever seen. Even more puzzling, he began talking to her quietly and ventured to be friendly. So she told him her name, and he said his...Goemon. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Eshe was brought back to reality by Jigen abruptly slamming on the brakes to avoid a dead animal carcass in the road. Jigen spouted a few bad words, Lupin and Fujiko responded with a few of their own, and everyone settled back into their seats. Eshe did her best to settle closer to Goemon, mostly because she didn't trust the woman sitting on her other side. After all, Hanes had taken her prisoner, tried to kill her, and had apparently decided she was less than intelligent.

Lupin's gang on the other hand...Eshe quite enjoyed them, even if they were troublemakers. She had taken a real shine to Goemon simply because he rescued her from Elijay and had spoken up for her. Lupin was also nice, but very brash. Luckily it was balanced by his charm and amazing cleverness. She had warmed up to Fujiko a bit, even if the female thief was sometimes hard to figure out. And although Jigen was pretty cold to her, he did try to help, even if it was motivated out of self-preservation. Eshe found she really couldn't blame him and wondered what her reaction would be if she found herself in a similar situation.

For now, she decided, she'd wait and see. Perhaps she could be rescued by her people, or escape home in her ship. Before, she wasn't going to count on it, but since she was with Lupin and his gang, things didn't seem quite so impossible.


	11. Can You Dig It?

Lupin is not mine, as per usual. Hey, you try to be funny at three in the morning, okay?

Chapter 11: Can You Dig It?

"We have to break into that?" Jigen said, staring in disbelief at the sight before him. He had thought Elijay was nearly impenetrable, but it was a bicycle lock compared with Turquoise.

From the group's vantage point on a cliff near the base, Jigen spotted twenty-foot walls, tanks, attack dogs, lasers, automatic machine guns, sensors, and enough barbed and razor wire to encircle the globe twice. And that was what he could see; Jigen didn't want to think about the deadly stuff hidden in, above, and below the base.

Lupin grinned at Jigen, looking like a kid in a candy store. "Aren't you glad I'm the one who plans all this, now?"

"If only you came with a mute button," Jigen said, shooting Lupin a slight smile.

"Enough chit-chat," Fujiko said, crouching down next to the blueprints Lupin had laid on the desert ground. "What's the plan?"

Lupin crouched down next to her, and the rest of the group gathered around. Goemon settled in his usual position, cross-legged with Zantetsuken slung over his shoulder. Eshe had dispensed with her make-up, figuring that being human would not make much of a difference in being shot if found; she knelt down between Goemon and Jigen. Agent Hanes stood back from the group, unsure as to how much she should try and fit in. However, she could still clearly see all of Lupin's plans.

"Let's see...here's the main entrance," Lupin said, tapping his finger on a spot on the battered blueprint. "Six lockdown gates, x-ray grid, retinal and voice scanners...basically enough security to ensure that if they don't want it in there, they can vaporize it immediately."

"In other words, disguises are too risky," noted Goemon.

"So usually our next course of action would be to cut through the walls. However, there's astounding amounts of voltage running through it. Apparently, one of their lab technicians had too much free time and created a super-strong superconductive material that is used liberally through the structure. So, no arc welders, no jackhammers, and if Goemon tries to cut through it with Zantetsuken, we'll have one extra-crispy samurai."

"Ouch," Goemon remarked stoically.

"What about over it?" Fujiko tried.

"More military stealth jets than over any part of the Middle East at any given time."

"Unless we hijack a Black Hawk, we'd be sitting ducks," Hanes chimed in.

"Which leaves our fourth, and least popular route..."

"Tunneling under," the four members of the Lupin gang chorused cheerlessly.

"There is underground security for the first three underground levels," Lupin said. However, even the most stringent military standards allow for the fact someone will only dig so far before it becomes too difficult. Which means the fourth level is completely un-guarded if we come in that way."

"And of course, we're stupid enough to go too far," Jigen noted. "So, how do we dig down four levels."

"We don't." Lupin pulled another blueprint out and set it out on top of the pile. "Here are the original construction plans for the base. A second underground area was supposed to be added at approximately the point we are standing. However, it only progressed as far as digging out some crude tunnels and ventilation ducts before it was abandoned due to the fact this area is prone to landslides."

"Wouldn't the tunnels be guarded, Lupin?" Fujiko asked.

"The government is even stupid enough to keep secrets from itself," Lupin said. "As far as most of those drones are concerned, they don't even exist."

"So we only dig down one level instead of four, but take a chance that those tunnels have not collapsed, nor will collapse on us," Goemon concluded.

"Bingo."

"Sounds good to me," the samurai said, rising to his feet.

"Yeah, me too," Jigen added. "So, where's the digging equipment?"

Lupin grinned wickedly as he produced four shovels from behind a nearby rock.

"You are kidding me," Jigen growled.

"We can't use mechanical equipment," Lupin hastily said before Jigen could grab a shovel and put it somewhere uncomfortable. "They'd hear it or detect the vibrations on their equipment. Besides," Lupin added, with a big grin, "you need to lose some weight anyway."

Jigen snorted and grabbed a shovel. "You're lucky I don't shove this up your..."

"Hey, less empty threats, more digging," Lupin interrupted. From then on, the only sounds were the sounds of shovels scraping against dirt.

Dawn found the group still digging, but shortly thereafter Jigen's shovel went through the dirt into an opening beneath.

"Took us long enough," Jigen said, wiping his forehead with his sleeve.

"That was practically a record for us," Lupin pointed out. He had crouched down next to the hole and was gently pulling away dirt to make it wider. "Fujiko, point a light over here."

Fujiko took a flashlight out her pack and aimed it down the hole. "Just as I thought. One of the abandoned tunnels." After examining the tunnel, he pulled a rope from his own pack, tied it around a nearby rock, and prepared to descend.

"Alright, guys," he said. "We're a lot closer, but we've still got a long way to go. These tunnels are very unstable, and we'll probably have to do a lot of detouring to get around the ones that have already collapsed. Make sure you stay as quiet as possible, though, or else we'll be adding to the pile, so to speak. That means no talking, and no guns," he said, eying Jigen, Fujiko, and Hanes. "And watch the sword, too," he added with a glance at Goemon. "A wrongly cut rock and we're looking at making our own funerals a lot easier for the gravediggers."

The group nodded in understanding. With that, Lupin descended first, followed by Fujiko, Eshe, Jigen, Hanes, and finally Goemon, who severed the rope to keep any snoopers from immediately finding their path. He gracefully leapt down through the hole and landed silently next to Hanes.

"Let's go," Lupin mouthed. He lead the way, consulting the plans, with the rest of the group following the way they came in.

Meanwhile, a single figure strolled up the mountainside Lupin and his gang had earlier dug into, hoping for a breath of fresh air and some insight into his present situation. He was enjoying a splendid sunrise when his sharp eyes caught something on the ground nearby. A cigarette butt, carelessly tossed by some trespasser. And another, and another. He followed the trail of butts and nearly toppled headfirst into a small hole. His face twisted into a smile as he pulled out a flashlight and shined it down the hole.

"I have you now, Lupin," he said, smiling joyously.

For the next hour, while the sun rose above ground, Lupin and the rest silently navigated below ground by their flashlights. It was slow going; Lupin would head down one tunnel marked on the map, only to find it dead ended or had collapsed years before. Other paths were only partially blocked, and it took some careful maneuvering on everyone's behalf for them to get through without making things worse.

Lupin let out the quietest sigh of relief he could muster. He could see where the tunnels joined up with the base proper just up ahead, and where their path would therefore be much more stable. He looked back at his weary but triumphant gang, who had quickly realized that the toughest part of their journey was almost over.

"LUPIN!" The cry reverberated through the tunnel with almost enough force to bowl everyone over. "I have you now!" Lupin groaned. Pops always picked the most inconvenient time to show up.

Already, a light shower of dust was beginning to rain down from the ceiling, and the group could already hear the sound of rocks and earth above them giving way. Jigen, Goemon, and Fujiko shot Lupin a look and wordlessly they all came to the same conclusion.

"RUN!" they all yelled. With that, they all dashed for the end of the tunnel as the pebbles and small chunks of rock joined the dust in coming down.

"You can't run, Lupin!" Zenigata howled, missing their insight. He continued with them in his sights, oblivious to the danger around him.

"Pops, you moron!" Lupin yelped back. "You caused a cave-in!"

"No excuses!" Zenigata said, continuing to lunge forward.

At that moment, a tremendous boulder loosened itself from the ceiling. It would have crushed both Eshe and Agent Hanes if Goemon had not pulled them back in the nick of time. A large shower of rocks and other debris followed, sealing the tunnel.

Zenigata caught up. "Where did that little bastard go? He can't escape!" Zenigata continued ranting and raving until his shouting loosened a rock directly above him. It fell, nailing him on the top of the head. He fell limp to the ground.

"Well, at least it's quieter," Goemon noted grimly.

"Can we dig through?" Hanes said, futilely pushing on the boulder. Pebbles and dust rained down even harder around them in response.

"Not enough time," Goemon said quietly. "Here," he said, picking up Zenigata by one arm and shoving him at Eshe and Hanes. "Get ready to drag him through." Before they could protest, Goemon had quickly sliced crossways through the rocks and boulders. A second later, the blockage split into smaller pieces, creating a small hole, but very temporary hole they could climb through.

"Go!" Goemon yelled. Eshe scooted through the hole and pulled Zenigata through behind her. Hanes, supporting his other side, stooped through, followed by Goemon. The three spotted Lupin, Jigen, and Fujiko at the other end of the hall. Goemon grabbed Zenigata's legs and the three carried the unconscious cop through the crumbling corridor as fast as they could. They dove the last few feet, and despite cries of protest from Lupin, Jigen, and Fujiko, the entire group landed in one big heap in the safe passageway.

Lupin coughed and waved away the dust surrounding his face. "Everyone okay?"

"Define okay," groaned Jigen, stuck underneath Eshe and Hanes.

"Lupin, get your hand off my ass this second!" Fujiko protested.

Lupin lifted both hands up and looked at them. "They're not mine, Fuji-cakes."

"Uh...sorry," Lupin heard an embarrassed Goemon say.

A few minutes later, everyone was sorted out and on their feet, except for Zenigata, still out cold. "Well, what now?" Jigen said, dusting off his fedora.

Lupin pulled out a dirt-streaked map. "Down this corridor, we'll meet with the ventilation system. We should be able to infiltrate the rest of the base through there."

"What about him?" Fujiko asked, pointing to the unconscious Zenigata.

Lupin sighed. "We can't just leave him here. This tunnel is safer, but he could still be buried in another landside. Better drag him along with us."

And so, the group made their way down the final corridor. Fujiko spotted the first of the ventilation shafts just ahead. Lupin trailed the group, dragging Zenigata along by the legs.

"Isn't that going to make things worse?" Hanes asked, looking worriedly at the Interpol agent, bumping his head on various debris on the floor.

"Nah. Pops has an abnormally thick skull. He'll shake it off," Lupin said casually, dropping Zenigata's legs to join Fujiko up front.

"According to your map," Fujiko said, squinting in the dim light to make out the details, "this shaft directly in front of us leads right to the facility where Eshe's ship is."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Lupin said.

"The furnace to turn off. The shaft goes right through one of the power and heating rooms, and the only thing we have to worry about is getting fried, since it also happens to be directly tied to said furnace."

Lupin looked over her shoulder. "This one," he said, pointing to one a bit down the hall, "joins up with that one past the heat and hellfire." He paused, "But, it passes over security. And I'll bet that should something happen, they're not going to greet noises in the vents with a cheerful, 'Who is it?'"

"But none of the other shafts join up," Fujiko said, frustrated. "We'd have to go through even worse parts of the facility."

Lupin sighed and glanced at the rest of the tired and dirty group. His eyes fell on the unconscious Zenigata. "Hmmm...idea!" he proclaimed.

"About time," Jigen grunted. "I was starting to worry you'd been hit on the head, too."

Approximately fifteen minutes later, the two officers stationed in security heard a loud thud from the room outside. Not hesitating to draw their guns, one silently glided over to the entrance while the other positioned himself by the control panel, ready to sound an alert if necessary. The guard by the door ran his card through the scanner and quickly kicked the door open, gun at the ready. To his surprise, there was no one out there. At least, no one standing.

"Holy crap," the guard said, glancing down at the unconscious figure. Even though the hat had fallen over the face, the trenchcoat and handcuffs clutched in one hand was a dead giveaway. "It's that Interpol agent...the one working with Waker."

"What?" the other guard said. "Is he okay?"

"Dunno..." The guard crouched down and felt along the neck for a pulse. "He's alive. But why is he lying here passed out?"

"Because a damn rock hit him on the head," a gruff voice replied. The guard whirled to see his partner lying on the floor, and a bearded man in a dark suit and fedora sitting his chair instead. The man casually twirled a Magnum around one finger.

"Freeze!" The guard pointed his gun at Jigen. A second later, he felt something cold enclose his wrists. He glanced down and saw a pair of handcuffs. The slight break in his guard was all Lupin, in Zenigata's clothes, needed to propel himself up and slug the guy in the jaw. The guard went down easily.

The rest of the gang exited the vents and helped Jigen and Lupin drag the unconscious guards back into the security room and lock them in the brig after obtaining their security papers and keycards.

"What now?" Fujiko asked, going over to look over their shoulders, Hanes and Eshe hovering anxiously behind her. Lupin and Jigen were rapidly tapping into the system, looking for a break of some sort. Goemon serenely glanced at the output monitors.

"Yeesh. When Jed said top security, he wasn't kidding," Lupin groaned. "All of the systems have at least four kinds of security checks on them. And the stuff we pulled off of those guys isn't enough, despite the fact they work for security."

"In short," Jigen grunted. "We need to get hold of someone really high security."

"Who has that high clearance?" Goemon asked.

Lupin scanned the list. "Nope...nope...never heard of them...ah, here we go." Lupin turned with a big smile. "Three familiar faces pop up. If we get hold of at least one of them, we're bound to get somewhere."

"And they are?" Hanes said, already figuring she knew the answer.


	12. And The Banned Played On

Lupin and everyone who is not mine is not mine. That is to say, if they do not belong to me, they are not mine...er, nevermind. You know what I mean.

Chapter 12: And The Banned Played On

General Waker sat, head leaning on his left hand heavily and his right hand drumming his fingers on the conference table.

"You let them get away?" he said slowly, trying to keep calm.

"It wasn't a matter of let, sir," Agent Roth said nervously. "They had a tank. It was a matter of survival."

"First, they steal the alien specimen we've been trying to get information out of for two years. Next, they kidnap one of our top agents and hold her hostage. Then, they get hold of a U.S. Army tank. What's next?" Waker's voice steadily rose on each sentence, until by the last one he was shouting in fury.

Agent Peters, sporting a bandage on his head and another on his right hand, looked unimpressed. "They can't hide from the U.S. government forever. Sooner or later, they're bound to slip up."

Agent Roth consulted the files in front of him. "These guys are no amateurs, as they've proven several times on this escapade of theirs. They've constantly eluded many of the top organizations and networks in the world before we ever came into contact with them. How would we be any different?"

Peters slammed his fist down on the desk. "They've made a fool out of me. They've made a mockery of our government's power. I say it's time to bring out the big guns."

Waker groaned. "I don't have the authority for that, Peters. It could take weeks..."

"I could have them here within the hour," Peters said darkly. "I've already contacted them and gotten the processes underway. There's no way they can escape this time."

Waker and Roth threw each other a worrying glance. "Fine. Get them here as soon as possible. Have them stationed around the base, and particularly heavily around the target in question."

Peters nodded, smiling grimly. He stood and left the conference room.

Waker went back to rubbing his temples. "Still no word on Agent Hanes?"

Roth shook his head. "Nothing."

"We may have to count her as lost if Peter brings those...people in." Waker said. Groaning, he added, "Some help that damn Interpol agent turned out to be. All he did was offer me paranoia and bad advice."

"All who did was what?" Zenigata had appeared at the door to the conference room.

"Well, well, if it isn't the bungling Inspector Zenigata. Since you're here, I guess I'll go ahead and tell you you're off the case."

"What?" Zenigata growled. He leaned forward, slamming his hands on the table and glaring at Waker. "But we're so close. Give me a few more hours to catch Lupin..."

"Nothing doing. You've wasted enough of our time and energy. Agent Peters has called in the big guns. We won't need your help because Lupin and his gang will be dead the minute they try to break in."

"Not a chance. Once again, you've underestimated him!" Zenigata fumed.

Waker grinned. "What makes you so sure?"

Zenigata pulled out a gun and aimed it at Waker. "Because, you silly stuffed shirt," Lupin said. "I'm already here." With that, he ripped off his mask. Waker made a small, amazed gasp. Roth, however, leapt up, reaching for his firearm.

Lupin was faster and pulled the trigger. A small hiss issued from the gun and Roth fell to the ground.

Waker was a white as a sheet. "You cold-blooded murderer," he said, looking ready to plead for his life.

"Nothing doing. That's a tranquilizer dart," Lupin said, replacing his mask carefully. He then returned the tranquilizer gun to the trenchcoat and pulled out his familiar Walther. "However, this gun is quite real, and unless you do what we tell you to, you are going to see how beautifully it functions."

Waker slowly stood up, hands in the air. "What do you want with me?"

Lupin grinned. "You happen to have the security clearance to the places we need to get to. So, if you help us out, we'll get our friend home and no one will be the wiser. However, try to fight us and you'll end up dead...or worse."

Using his gun, Lupin guided Waker over to stand in front of him. "Now," he hissed, jamming the gun in Waker's back, "we're taking a quick jaunt by security to pick up the rest of our friends. After that, you'll take us to the bay where Eshe's ship is being kept."

Waker nodded, sweat pouring down his face. Together, he and Lupin quietly left the conference room. They arrived at security without a problem, Waker bellowing and issuing orders to interfering guards along the way. When Lupin and Waker arrived at security, everyone was ready to go. Jigen and Goemon had already borrowed the uniforms of the two unconscious guards, and a third spare uniform had been found for Fujiko. Eshe was clad in a hazard suit that covered her from head to toe, found in the emergency kit. Hanes, however, remained in her normal outfit.

"Everyone ready to go?" he asked. Jigen and Goemon nodded, though Goemon glanced at the machine gun in his hands with obvious distaste. Lupin could see the end of Zantetsuken just poking out of the gun case slung over his back and hoped no one else would notice.

Waker looked at Hanes. "Agent Hanes," he said, breathing a sigh of relief. "You're okay."

"Of course I'm okay," Hanes said. "But don't try anything, sir. If they say something, they mean it."

Lupin, still dressed as Zenigata, made a grand gesture to Waker. "After you...sir," he added with a small grin.

Waker swallowed nervously. The group left the security room, locking it tightly before they began the trek to deep in the base.

"Direct us to the alien ship," Lupin said quietly. Waker nodded. At the next intersection, he started to go left. Lupin grabbed his arm in annoyance. "Boy, you just can't trust anyone nowadays. I have a map and the map clearly says it's this way," he said, pointing to the right. "We shouldn't wander into the shooting grounds by accident, should we now?"

Waker flushed slightly. "How did you get a map?"

"I picked one up at the directory, right under the spot that said 'You are here.'" Lupin jerked his head towards the correct hall. "No more farting around, Wanker. Let's go."

"It's Waker," the general protested weakly, but he continued down the hall as indicated. The group continued in silence. Waker made no more attempts to steer the group in the wrong direction. After what seemed like hours, the group stepped up to a heavy security door. Waker pushed his hand against a panel and placed his eye against a lens in the wall.

"Voice confirmation?" a pleasant female voice intoned.

Waker looked at Lupin and the rest. Lupin tensed. If Waker decided to rebel now, things would get very, very, difficult. Luckily, the general chickened out.

"General Gregory Waker, code Charlie Bravo Zebra 4-4-9-0-2." After a pause, the voice said, "Confirmed," and the door slid open.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Lupin stepped towards the open door, pushing Waker in ahead of him. Just then, he heard a voice scream, "You!"

He turned to see Agent Peters standing in the hall, breathing heavily. "You miserable thief!" he howled. "Your stupid disguises can't fool me!"

Lupin tried to play it off. "Excuse me, sir. But I think you're hysterical."

Agent Roth rounded the corner. A second later, so did a very annoyed Zenigata.

"Oh, crap," Lupin squeaked. He pushed Waker towards the door. "Run!" he yelled as shots from all three sounded behind him. He heard a cry of pain from his left, but he didn't have time to think as he grabbed whoever it was and shoved them ahead of him. He heard return fire from Jigen and the sound of bullets ringing against Zantetsuken. Approximately three seconds later, everyone was once again in a heap on the floor and the heavy security door had somehow been pulled shut.

"We need a new strategy," Lupin groaned. He sat up and pulled off his Zenigata disguise. "Everyone okay?"

Another gasp of pain answered his question. He turned to see Agent Hanes gripping her leg just below the knee. "Flesh wound," she said, trying to bear up as best she could.

"Amy!" The gang turned in shock to see General Waker dive towards the fallen agent. "Amy, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Dad. I'll be fine," Hanes grunted. Waker helped her over to a nearby bench.

"Dad?" Jigen repeated.

Lupin tilted his head. "How about that? The surprise is on us for once." He then turned to see Goemon looking wildly around. "What's wrong?"

"Eshe is missing," he said gravely.

"Did she make it through the door?" Lupin said, growing pale.

"Yeah, I pushed her in ahead of me," Jigen said. "She definitely made it."

"She probably went to search for her ship," Fujiko suggested. "Let's go find her before she sets off any hidden traps." With a quick glace at Waker and Hanes, Lupin ran after the rest of them to find Eshe before she could put herself in danger.

They found her just around the corner, her hazard mask off and staring at what could only be...

"Eshe's ship," Lupin said, dismay filling his voice.

The ship was indeed mostly in one piece, but the explosion had burned out the interior almost completely. The hull was riddled with holes from shrapnel and debris, and they could see through one rather large crack in the ship the charred and empty bridge. What little technology had survived was apparently removed by human scientists and researchers, ripping it out for their own interests. There was no hope of Eshe's ship flying again.

Lupin broke the stunned silence first. "Eshe...I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Eshe silently turned to look at him. "It okay. You try. You try very hard," Eshe said, a game smile on her face. Lupin could tell from her eyes, alien as they were, that she had lost all hope of ever seeing home again.

A loud crash sounded. Lupin actually jumped. Jigen had given the hull of the ship a good hard kick. "Crap!" he yelled. "All of this for nothing!"

"Jigen," Goemon warned the gunman, hoping to defuse Jigen's temper before something very bad happened.

"Shut up! You wouldn't let us just leave her. You had to help her out! And now, thanks to you and monkey boy, we're in deeper shit than we've ever been in in our careers.

Lupin thought feebly that Jigen had really started it all with his complaints of boredom, but decided now was not the time for pointless bickering. He remained silent as Jigen pushed over a nearby crate, topping electrical components onto the floor.

Eshe let out a gasp and dove for the pile. "Eshe, what is it?" Fujiko asked.

Eshe pushed aside loose gears and microchips, pulling loose a piece of equipment that was mostly intact. "Homing beacon," she said quietly. "It not broken bad. Someone fix."

Jigen fell silent and Lupin ran to Eshe's side. "Do you think they'd come if you activated it?"

Eshe nodded, and then her face fell. "Ambassador," she said, pointing to herself. "Not good with machines."

Lupin took the homing beacon from her and turned it over thoughtfully.

Fujiko and Goemon waited in silence. "Can you fix it, Lupin?" Fujiko asked.

Lupin's face took on a grim smile. "Get me a toolbox. I'll figure this out if it kills me."

"It very well may," spat Jigen. He had calmed down, but Lupin could see the end of his cigarette shaking with contained rage. Goemon ran off to find some tools while Lupin, Fujiko, and Eshe cleared a nearby workbench of parts and crude models of Eshe's ship.

"Let's see. Looks like something you'd find in a home computer. Nothing's burned or melted. Just some loose wires and chips, it looks like," Lupin muttered. He looked at Eshe. "Do you think there's even a chance they can rescue you if I can get this working?"

Eshe nodded firmly. "They will come."

"Alright, then I'll figure this thing out."

"Do it quickly," Goemon said from behind Lupin. The samurai set the tool box down on the table. "They're literally banging down the doors. They'll be through in a matter of minutes, and Agent Peters is out for blood." As if to emphasize Goemon's point, a faint string of curses sounded from around the corner. Lupin flung open the lid on the tools, grabbed a small screwdriver, and set to work.

"Goemon," Fujiko said, grabbing her machine gun firmly. "We need to set up battle positions in case they make it through. This way, we can buy Lupin some time."

Goemon nodded. "Come on, Jigen. We may be dead, but I am not going down without a fight. And I doubt you would, either."

Jigen huffed, but pulled his Magnum out from the flak jacket he was still wearing. Without a word, he pushed between Fujiko and Goemon. The two exchanged a weary and wary look before following him around the corner.

Squinting in the dim light, with a screwdriver about three times too big, Lupin tinkered with the beacon. He was distracted by the continued sounds of the U.S. Army banging down the door. When General Waker and Agent Hanes came around the corner, advised by Goemon and Fujiko to seek shelter from the impending hurricane of ammunition, Lupin nearly had a heart attack.

"What are you doing?" Waker said, looking suspicious as he set Hanes down on the floor near the ship.

"Getting her home," Lupin answered, prodding a loose wire with his screwdriver. It emitted a sudden spark. "Whoa!" Lupin said, withdrawing his hand. "Now, we're getting somewhere."

Waker's face paled. "You can't...they won't get here in time. And what if...if..."

"If they see how horribly you treated one of their own?" Lupin finished crossly. "Intergalactic war and all that?" Lupin paused in his work and shot Waker a very nasty look. "I suppose it's possible. But given how forgiving Eshe has been towards the human race, I'd like to think the rest of her people are equally open-minded. Go ahead, Eshe," he said, turning back to the beacon. "Tell the nice bureaucrat what you do for a living on your planet."

Eshe looked at Waker with an even stare. "Ambassador," she said. "We came in peace."

Waker shook as he slumped down next to his daughter. "Will...will your people come in peace again?"

Eshe looked away. "I can only hope."


	13. Close Encounters of the Absurd Kind

We're near the end, my friends. Lupin and Co. do not belong to me.

Chapter 13: Close Encounters of the Absurd Kind

Around the corner, Fujiko, Goemon, and Jigen were bracing for the immanent onslaught. They had discarded their disguises. Fujiko was tinkering with the sides of the door Peters was attempting open. From the sounds issuing from the other side of the door, the defeated agent sounded like he was ready for blood.

Fujiko looked at her partners. "We're not going to make it, are we?" she said suddenly and quietly.

Goemon looked at the situation. Three guns, a sword, and three unarmed civilians against an entire military base. "I'm afraid not. We shall meet death bravely."

"I hope Eshe's friends get here, soon," Jigen grunted.

Fujiko and Goemon looked at Jigen in shock. "Wha?" they both muttered.

Jigen looked up, peering at them beneath his hat a small smile on his face. "Just an idea. Of course, hope is a poor weapon, isn't it?"

Goemon looked annoyed. "You sound like me. Cut it out."

Another loud crash and the crack between the two doors opened slightly. "Surrender!" yelled Peters. "This is your last chance! I have out here a division of the Army Elite, the finest secret warriors our country has to offer. If we get through that door, you don't stand a chance!"

Jigen aimed carefully and fired a shot through the barely open crack. There was a cry of alarm, and then another angry pound on the door. "Bastard! That's it! You've blown all your chances."

Jigen took a step back, Magnum at the ready. On either side of him, Goemon and Fujiko readied their weapons. "Hope that door holds," Fujiko said, drawing back the hammer of her gun.

The doors let out a mighty groan and began to shift open. "Get them!" thundered Peters, as the doors slid open enough to let one man through...and then stopped completely. Fujiko had attached a few spare parts to the edges of the doors. The debris now kept the doors from retracting into the walls and opening any more than a sliver.

"An advantage is an advantage," Goemon said, shrugging.

Jigen smiled. "These poor guys are about to find out what that damned 'an army of one' commercial's really about."

Lupin could hear shots fire. Rather than distract him now, they only served to hurry his cause. The thing looked finished, but for some reason still wasn't working.

"Eshe!" Lupin roared over the crash from around the corner. Eshe hurried over from where she was helping tend to Agent Hanes. She looked at Lupin, a mixture of confusion and fear on her face. "How do we power this thing?"

Eshe gave an anxious smile and brushed the board with her fingertips. Lupin looked very confused. "Mental energy," she replied quietly. "It sends the signal."

Lupin nodded, deciding now was not the time to ask complicated questions. He handed the beacon to Eshe. "Keep this safe. If it goes out again..." he warned, and left his sentence there. Eshe nodded and tucked it in a pocket of her cardigan. Lupin, meanwhile, had withdrawn his gun. Nodding at Waker and Hanes, he said, "Get them behind the ship. I'll hold off any who make it this far."

Eshe looked at Lupin for a moment. "Thank you," she said quietly, and dashed over to Hanes and Waker.

A battle raged on in the other part of the bay. While Fujiko's trap had been effective, the Elite had somehow managed to worm in enough to keep the three thieves busy. And they were still coming, Jigen noted, bringing down two more with two perfect shots. Fujiko was holding her own, and Goemon went through the guards like a weed-whacker on crack, slicing armor, blocking bullets, and destroying weapons in swift broad slices.

Two more Elite entered, replacing their fallen comrades, followed by...

"This is it!" said Agent Peters, blood in his eyes. He dashed towards Jigen, two pistols clutched in his hands, ignoring the wound Jigen had inflicted earlier. He aimed both at Jigen, just as the gunman brought around his own weapon. "Dodge this, hotshot!"

Goemon turned just in time to see the shootout between Peters and Jigen. He'd never make in time to block the bullets. Nevertheless, he made a futile dive towards the two, determined to save...or avenge...his partner-in-crime.

Three seconds later, he lowered his sword slightly in surprise, as did Jigen and Peters. Peters began to blubber. "Wha...how..." he said. The two bullets he had fired were suspended in air in front of Jigen. Jigen was equally stunned; Goemon quickly turned just in time to see a blur of red and green disappear around the corner. Two soft clinks against the ground followed; the bullets had landed without harming anyone.

Jigen looked at Goemon. "Eshe?" he mouthed.

Goemon nodded, relieved that Jigen was safe. He failed to notice the Elite running towards him, and was caught unprepared when the soldier tackled him, knocking Zantetsuken from his grip. Goemon landed on his stomach, but before he could recover and claw his way to his sword, he felt the guard press the barrel of his revolver against the back of his head. "Freeze!" the guard ordered.

"Careless," Goemon cursed. When this mission was over, he was headed back to his mountain training grounds. He had a lot of catching up to do.

"Lower your weapons!" the guard ordered. Upon seeing Goemon, Jigen and Fujiko reluctantly complied.

"Set them on the ground," Peters growled. He was still pale and shaken, but he finally had his opportunity to win the battle. Jigen gave a snort before dropping his Magnum; seconds later, Fujiko's Browning hit the ground as well.

Peters' face creased with the smile of a man deranged. Withdrawing his own weapon and pointing it at Fujiko, he called, "Lupin! Your time is up! Send yourself and the alien out here, or we'll kill your friends."

A sputtering sound came from behind Peters. "Now wait a minute, Peters. Who appointed you judge, jury, and executioner?" Zenigata slipped through the door and pushed through the Elite. "I'm to return them to Interpol alive..."

"You missed your opportunity, you incompetent fool. This was out of your hands from the beginning, anyway."

Zenigata paled. There was no reasoning with Peters, but Zenigata was going to try anyway. "Now, think of the consequences, Agent Peters. The international incidents this could cause..."

A gunshot rang through the room. Zenigata traced the path of the bullet from Peters' gun, over to a flinching Fujiko. The shot had penetrated the wall, inches from her head.

"Are you done yammering, Inspector?" Peters said confidently. Zenigata nodded, stunned. "Then I suggest you take your leave of us. Forget everything you've seen and heard. Trust me, it's a deal that's more than generous."

"But..." Zenigata said.

"Cool it, Pops," Jigen growled. "Get out of here while you can. These guys may regret that decision later."

Zenigata gave each of the three thieves a pained look, and then turned and walked out of the door. "Tell Lupin good luck," he said quietly as he exited. Jigen could see that Zenigata had his fingers crossed for luck. Normally, he would have discounted it, but right now it looked as though Lupin's gang needed all the help they could get.

"Lupin!" Peters bellowed again, the sound ringing through the uncomfortably quiet chamber. "Send it out now!" Another pause, just as silent and oppressive as the first. "Send it out by the count of three, or I blow your partners away!"

Lupin gritted his teeth. "Some concern he's showing for you two," he said, trying to be offhand, checking the bullets in his own gun.

Hanes groaned as she shifted her position slightly. "I was always concerned he'd go too far. You four may be far from innocent, but he can't just kill you in cold blood, either."

Waker stood shakily. "Let me try," he said gruffly.

Lupin shook his head. "That bastard's crazy enough to do something drastic."

"It might buy us some time." Upon seeing the looks of shock on Lupin, Hanes, and Eshe's face, he added, "From the way Peters sounds right now, there's not much hope for any of us. If we can distract him, something...anything," he said, trailing off.

Lupin lowered his gun slightly. "Fine. No tricks."

Waker nodded. He took a deep breath, gave Hanes a look of concern, and stepped out around the corner.

Peters lowered his gun slightly when he saw the general, but he did not waver otherwise. "General," he said, unable to keep all of the contempt from his voice.

"Hanes and I have overpowered Mr. Lupin and the alien. Lower your weapon and we'll bring them out to you..."

Peters didn't even pause. Instead, he swung the gun from Fujiko to Waker. "Nothing doing. This is some kind of trick. How do I know you're not Lupin in disguise?"

Waker pulled Lupin out from behind the wall. Lupin had tucked his gun behind his jacket to make him appear unarmed. "Here, you see," Waker growled. "Hanes has a weapon trained on him. Now, lower your weapon right now."

Peters lowered his gun.

"There you go. Now..." Waker began.

Peters raised his hand. With an evil glint in his eyes, he uttered a single word.

"Fire."

The Elite complied. Fujiko let off a chocked scream. But, the blinding flash that followed took them all by surprise.

Lupin rubbed his eyes, trying to get them to function normally as he staggered around, trying to figure out what the hell happened. In the process, he nearly tripped over someone. From the grunt, he could tell it was Goemon, still on the floor from where he had been captured.

"Are you okay?" Lupin said, helping the samurai to his feet. The light was beginning to fade and his vision was returning to normal.

"I think so," Goemon said. Lupin could tell Goemon was just as surprised as he was. "What just happened?"

Lupin cast his eyes to the source of the light, which had finally died down enough to make out three figures standing at the center. "I think the cavalry just arrived," he said, relief creeping into his voice.

He heard a cry of joy from behind him. Eshe, who had still been around the corner during the flash and could see perfectly well, ran towards the light.

"Eshe!" They heard Agent Hanes cry in alarm, fully aware of the danger. She staggered around the corner, trying to stop her.

Lupin and Goemon turned their heads to follow her. Out of the corner of his eye, Goemon saw a figure moving.

"Peters!" he yelled, seeing a gun being raised at Eshe. "Stop!"

"Call for backup!" Peters yelled, tears streaming down his face from where he'd been blinded. "We have an invasion in progress! We...umph!"

Before he could fire his weapon, he was tackled from three sides by Lupin, Goemon, and Jigen. The four crashed to the ground, the thieves trying to pry the gun away from Peters before another accident could happen. Lupin could hear Eshe's voice talking quickly and excitedly with one of the newcomers. Then, a loud booming voice announced, "Desist!"

The four men looked up from their scrambling on the floor to get their first good look at the scene around them. The Elite were passed out on the floor, overwhelmed by the light and the night vision goggles they had been wearing. Fujiko was standing by Waker, alternating her look between the rest of the gang and Eshe's friends. And every single bullet that had been fired was now harmlessly hanging in mid-air. Seconds later, they fell to the ground, sounding like rain striking a tin roof.

Jigen finally managed to pry the gun from Peter's hand. He stood, throwing the gun across the room. "Behave," he told the belligerent agent firmly.

"You fools!" Peters roared, leaping at Jigen. Goemon and Lupin managed to grab him and hold him back. "You've ruined everything! Our operation is useless and our planet doomed! They destroyed our first contact unit! It can't happen again!"

Struggling, Goemon shot a glance at Lupin. "Should I knock him out?"

"No," another voice answered. Lupin and Goemon finally turned to see Eshe's rescue party. They stood near the wall. All of them were taller than Eshe, but only by a few inches at the most. Like Eshe, they had fins, scaly skin, and the feathers. While their skin was all green, they varied in shades from Eshe's rich emerald to a pale sea green to a deep olive. Their solid-colored eyes and mane-like feathers were all different from each other; pale pink, shining gold, soft lavenders.

Their leader, who had the palest skin among them, along with silver eyes and deep teal feathers, stepped forward. While the gang had struggled with Peters, he turned to Eshe and conversed briefly with her in their native tongue. During the conversation, Fujiko noticed she pointed to the gang, Waker, Peters, and gestured towards the place her ship had been stored. After listening, the leader nodded, turned, and stepped towards them.

"Greetings," he said formally. "I am Tunde, head ambassador of our planet."

"Uh, hi?" Lupin said, still struggling with Peters.

"You may release him. He cannot hurt us," Tunde said.

Lupin and Goemon cast each other a wary look before letting Peters go. He stumbled to the ground in front of them, breathing heavily.

Tunde took a step towards him. Peters gritted his teeth, ready to attack.

Tunde spread his hands in a gesture of peace. "I am sorry for what happened to your people at our ship's landing. It was a technical malfunction, I assure you. Our scouting ships carry no weapons."

"Like hell!" Peters cried. He finally lost it and charged at Tunde, his hands in front of him ready to wrap around the alien's delicate frame.

And then he stopped rigid like a statue. The look of frenzy on his face was replaced with a blank look before he finally toppled to the ground.

"Um," Lupin said, poking the downed agent in concern. "Is...is he okay? You didn't lobotomize him or anything, did you?"

Tunde shook his head. "I merely induced a great desire to sleep in him. It looks as though he could use it." He sighed. "A shame. I had hoped he would listen to our side of the story. His mind was damaged during that unfortunate incident."

"We kinda suspected," Jigen snapped. Eshe let a small smile escape.

"General Waker," Tunde said, turning to the General. Although the General was shaking in his boots, the gang had to admit he was brave for simply not passing out right there. Hanes was leaning against the wall next to him. She seemed to have forgotten the pain she was in to stare in amazement at the aliens.

Waker gave the alien a shaky salute. "Ambassador."

"Allow me to apologize formally on the unfortunate loss of life that took place. We truly have no grudge against your people. It was a misunderstanding."

Waker looked relieved at these words. "I...I would like to apologize on our behalf also. We were at fault as well."

Tunde nodded. "Apology accepted."

"Likewise," Waker said. "I will include your message in the appropriate reports."

Waker looked at Eshe. "I believe we owe...Eshe, was it? I believe we owe her a proper apology also."

"I accept," Eshe said, nodding understandably. Lupin caught a sly wink at the general as well.

Tunde then turned towards the four thieves. "Of course, we owe you a profuse amount of thanks. Without the assistance of you four, our Eshe would never have escaped and found a way to contact us. We are most grateful."

Lupin shrugged. "You're welcome," was all he could say. He could see Jigen tip his hat slightly, Goemon give a nod at Tunde, and Fujiko shoot the alien a small, nervous smile.

Tunde smiled in return. "A most interesting group of people, you four," he said. "I shall look forward to Eshe telling us more of her adventures with you. And now," he added, turning to Eshe, "as much as it pains me to tell you this, Eshe, we must leave. Please make your good-byes short."

Eshe nodded slowly. She went over to Lupin and gave him a big hug.

"How come he speaks English so well?" he couldn't help but ask.

"Powerful telepath. Uses talents to learn languages instantly." Eshe gave a wry smile and pointed to herself. "Not a telepath. Just a quick study."

Lupin chuckled. "Take care, Eshe. Stop by if you're in the neighborhood."

Eshe nodded and moved on to Fujiko. She also gave her a hug. "Thank you for helping."

"No problem," Fujiko said. She looked a bit choked up as Eshe stepped away, so Lupin put an arm around her for comfort.

Eshe threw her arms around Goemon next and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you for saving me," she said happily.

"Um, it was my pleasure," Goemon said, blushing furiously. "Please take care of yourself, Eshe. I wish you the best."

Finally, Eshe came to Jigen. She paused, unsure of how the gunman would react. Jigen sighed and opened his arms; Eshe gave a big smile and gave him a hug, too. "Thank you for trusting me."

"No problem, Eshe. Thanks for, um, not killing us or anything."

Lupin leaned over and smacked Jigen upside the head. Goemon gave a snort, though Lupin couldn't tell if it was from annoyance or amusement.

"Ow!" Jigen said. Eshe giggled. She then stepped back to stand at Tunde's side.

"Farewell," Tunde said. "Perhaps it will not be very long before see us again."

"We hope not. Have a safe journey home," Lupin said.

Tunde nodded. He and Eshe joined the other aliens. "You may want to shield your eyes," he added. Seconds later, there was another blinding flash. Lupin had lowered his hand from his eyes; the aliens had disappeared.

"I'm kind of going to miss her," Fujiko said sadly. Lupin put his arms around her in a comforting gesture.

"As will we all," Goemon added.

There was a long pause. It was broken when Fujiko realized that Lupin's comforting arms had drifted down to a place they shouldn't have.

"Lupin!" she yelled, giving a smack across the face.

"Sorry, ow, sorry!" Lupin yelled. He ran from the room, Fujiko in hot pursuit. Jigen and Goemon looked after them, looked at each other, and then glanced at Waker and Hanes.

Waker sighed. "We'll take care of it. You won't have to worry about being fugitives anymore." A pause. "Er, anymore than normal."

"Thanks," Jigen grunted. With that, he and Goemon followed Lupin and Fujiko out the door of the hanger, following their battle cries to find the way.

Seconds later, Agent Roth appeared in the door, a large group of MPs behind him. He took in the unconscious Peters, the floor covered in sleeping agents and spent bullets, the injured Hanes, and a distinct lack of both aliens and thieves. "Sir?" he asked.

Waker sighed and shook his head. "Forget it. You wouldn't believe me if I tried to explain it."


	14. Epilogue: Job Interrupted

At last, the end of the story. I hope you enjoyed reading it, since I had a lot of fun writing it. Thanks for the reviews and input, and see you around the anime section.

As usual, Lupin is not mine. Hope he didn't mind going through all that. Oh well, too late now...  
  
Epilogue: Job Interrupted

Zenigata stormed through the Atlanta Museum of Artifacts. The place was in chaos, covered in police, news reporters, and angry museum workers. The head curator was wringing his hands, bemoaning the surprise visit.

As he eyed the place where several precious stones and priceless artifacts had once sat, he grimly noted that the cases were untouched. No chips, no fingerprints. No alarms had been set off.

A rookie cop dashed up to Zenigata. "Inspector, we think you need to see this." He lead Zenigata to the spot a fine, perfect Ming vase had stood. In its place was a note, written in a familiar hand...

"Dear Pops: You didn't think we really forgot about this place, did you? I may be fashionably late, but I always keep appointments in the end. See you around, Lupin III. P.S: Jigen and Goemon send their love. P.P.S: Not really."

Zenigata's eyes bulged dangerously. Seconds later, a howl wracked the center of the city.

"LUUUUUUUUUPIIIIIIIIN!!!!"

Lupin, glad to be back at the wheel of his favorite Mercedes, sneezed once. "Gee, someone must be talking about me," he said, smiling mischievously and patting the back of the car. The trunk was loaded to the brim with the artifacts from their belated theft.

"It's nice to get back to normal," Jigen noted. Goemon, perched in his usual spot, grunted in agreement.

"Well, if you two didn't have to be so whiny, we wouldn't have had to go through all that. Hope you learned a lesson."

"Yeah, you're a damn idiot." Jigen snickered. "After all, you were stupid enough to let us try in the first place."

Lupin waved his hands. "Okay, okay. I still want to know where you got that trebuchet from. Anyway," he added. "I'm going to spin by the post office on our way home. We need to send one of these lovely spoils as a wedding present."

"A what?" Goemon said confused. Lupin handed Goemon a small envelope, containing an invitation. After reading over it twice, Goemon said slowly. "Jed and Agent Hanes?"

"What?" Jigen said, spitting his cigarette out. "Give me that!" He snatched the card away from Goemon. "No way! Why those two?"

"Well, Agent Hanes...er, Amy, couldn't very well go back to the military after helping us betray her agency, could she? So, I sent her over to take shelter with Jed until she could get back on her feet. Apparently, one thing lead to another, and...well, you can figure out the rest."

"How does General Waker feel about that?" Goemon asked as Jigen shook his head in confusion. "I'm sure his department isn't please with this turn of events.

"He retired, didn't you hear?" Lupin said, easing the Mercedes around a curve. "I'm sure it wasn't voluntary, but it's probably a relief after all that trouble. It's a miracle he's not in Levinworth, truth be told, but I guess a flawless military career accounts for something nowadays."

Goemon nodded. Jigen snorted as he finished reading and handed the card back to Lupin. "You didn't RSVP us, did you?"

"Why? Do you cry at weddings?" Lupin teased.

"No, but my snoring has been the bane of many a ceremony," Jigen said proudly.

"That's not the only thing it's been a bane of," Goemon said quietly.

"What was that?" Jigen said, turning to Goemon.

"What of Peters?" Goemon said quickly, deciding to change the subject.

"A permanent home in whatever the nuthouse is for ex-intelligence agents. Of course, I think Peters was probably damaged goods before this whole encounter."

"You think?" Jigen said. "Didn't take me long to figure out..."

"Anyway," Lupin noted cheerfully, "all's well that ends well. Eshe got home, the military got its just desserts, and we picked up our trinkets in the end."

"Did you say our trinkets, Lupin dear?" a voice called from beside the car. Fujiko had pulled up alongside them on a brand-new motorcycle.

"He meant _our_ trinkets," Jigen grumbled, pointing to himself, Lupin, and Goemon.

"But you ruined my previous job. Shouldn't I get a little something?"

"Isn't the warm fuzzy feeling in your heart enough?" Goemon asked bitterly.

Lupin had remained silent. "Well, okay. Pull your bike over a little closer and I'll give you something."

Goemon shook his head in amazement while Jigen growled and angrily slumped in his seat. "She does it again," he murmured as Fujiko leaned in eagerly.

Lupin leapt out of his seat, planted a big kiss on Fujiko, and landed as neatly as if he had never left it. The car hadn't even swerved. "There you go, Fuji-cakes. More precious than gold, so treasure it always. Catch you later!" With that, he floored the accelerator, nearly blasting Goemon off of his perch on the back. The samurai managed to grab a hold as the Mercedes tore off down the road.

"That wasn't what I meant!" Fujiko yelled, and raced behind him in pursuit.

"Ah," Jigen noted dully. "Everything finally back to normal." He settled in, ready for a long ride and their next job, with a screeching Fujiko in hot pursuit.


End file.
